Self-Forgiveness

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An act of taking Self-Responsibility for one's own deeds, actions, consequences, thoughts, beliefs, ideas and who one is in it's entirety. Creating a way for oneself, giving self to self as one releases emotional, feeling and thought baggage. A specific decision to stop something that one realizes is harmful, abusive or does not serve oneself or others.

Contents

Basic Guideline for Applying Self-Forgiveness

  1. Identify the problem, issue or pattern I participate within. It's recommended to take on a small aspect or part of the problem that one is able to clearly describe and identify in words and walk the whole process of Self-Forgiveness within and as this aspect. Only when that is completed one should proceed with the next aspect of the problem one wants to sort out and let go of.
  2. Describe the problem, issue or pattern in writing in as much details as possible. Identify the starting points, processes and outcomes. Describe the feelings and emotional states one is in and participates within in relation to the problem at hand.
  3. Go step by step through the writing/description of the problem and apply Self-Forgiveness in relation to each point in as much detail and specificity as possible. Approach each point from different perspectives and angles.
  4. Stick to the Self-Forgiveness done. This means not repeating the same mistakes again, participating in the same patterns again or speaking the same words again that I've forgiven myself for and as. This is the practical application of self-forgiveness where one proves to oneself the change is indeed real. Without standing as your self-forgiveness and proving it indefinitely the self-forgiveness is useless.

Examples of Self-Forgiveness

  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to believe that I do not have to take responsibility in changing the current world as it exist in the moment.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to fear and believe that I am not good enough or too week to do something about the world situation as it currently exists as accepted and allowed abuse, exploitation and constant fear of survival.


Perspectives on Self-Forgiveness

2007 - 2008

A Note on Self-Forgiveness

We apply self forgiveness till we become self honest in common sense,

then we apply self forgiveness again and then forgive all for all that ever was and will be or may be and STOP the cycles of rebirth.

(Bernard Poolman)


How the application of Self-Forgiveness was tested.

The application of Self forgiveness and self honesty was tested on earth and the in heaven and is daily applied by all new crossovers.

The following was found - that to not reach self honesty through self fogiveness is a deliberate act of ego and self dishonesty based on knowledge called opinion and an addiction to power based on wanting to be unique and special.

What was found - that due to the nature of all as one - if such opinions or ego or self dishonety is allowed - the allower also become enslaved to the dishonesty by taking an outside dishonesty and making it self dishonesty through accepting the dishonesty - thus, this is not accepted in heaven and will not be accepted on earth.

These applications have been effective for zillions of beings with only the point of choice where self dishonesty is chosen being a point that required attention - the rest who applied themselves stand as life as all as one infinitely - this ego-self dishonesty is based on fear of loss, the "original sin" that got us here and will not be allowed again.

(Bernard Poolman)


Forgiving myself

Thoughts and feelings are programs. Think of them as chains, or shackles of adamant.

Listen: Last night for the first time, I applied forgiveness for having the various thoughts, feelings and emotions I had during my day and for the way I let myself get twisted up in emotional knots by D and her problems, (among other things I am dealing with). And it sort of clicked: emotions and feelings pull you back into the past! Interesting. I caught myself slipping into the past every time I let my thoughts and feelings of some past event with her invade my mind. Actually, I've been forgiving myself for thinking, and I had a pretty good day. It's not the same asgoing to confession, saying, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." Because God doesn't forgive you.

You forgive yourself.

Not sure why, but applying this seems to work. I believe it made a slight difference today. I still thought more than I wanted, and experienced some emotions, but compared to yesterday, when Denise was giving me the business, man-- it felt much better! So don't wait two months before you start applying these ideas into your life. It's just time being wasted.

Another perspective:

almost like mind mapping.

lets say you feel sad. the first point. second point, Why? Then trace this feeling until you get to its origin.

Today i started getting sick, so then you ask yourself why are you sick?

Look at the feeling and then thoughts that comes up. In my case its was conflict with myself, not trusting myself in my application, fear being vulnerable. and a few other. So my body is showing me this so that i can deal with it. Your body assists you a lot in this process. It tels you a lot about yourself. As you become aware of yourself you will notice this.

So i will start with: " I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to be vulnerable" (Vulnerable in the sense of not hiding, speaking direct, put down defenses and allow people in...) But were does this come from? Oh! My father! and the idea of "A man must be a man!" So "I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to copy this behaviour from society and my father. I set myself free from my father."

"I am vulnerable" "I am courage" And so i go on.

Another perspective:

How I apply practical forgiveness in every moment is in my application of inner awareness in the moment before I act in outer awareness-- so in my world I am known as the destroyer-- because--once I am certain I am honestwithme and what I am aware of I have corrected in my self expression, I will reveal the point in the other that requires correction tothe point where their world will destruct-- normallythey are angry --but inevitably they return in forgiveness and understanding--this is how we enlighten the world through revelation of inner awareness as the outer expressionof what we are aware of in every moment

see how humanty is being forced to speak outwith world events having little or no effect-- because they have not yet done this process of selfawareness at an inner level of practicality-- thus-- great calamity must now manifest--not necessary if we get our asses in gear with revelation in the moment and forgiveness and selfcorrection

I have been living like this for years, but to place it in practical word s took a while.


Self-Forgiveness is a Tool

Self-forgiveness is a tool. The more you apply it, the more it becomes you. Let me share with you how it works for me.


I use/apply self-forgiveness as a tool of ‘writing myself to freedom’. I began to write about everything that I observe as me and my reality. Any reactions - everything that bothers me, everything that I experience as limitation, everything that I experience as having power over me such as anger, depression, jealousy. Or desires that consume me and keep me obsessed. Everything.


See, emotions and thoughts for example come up 'just like that' - they are reactions, thus conditioned, pre-programmed, from even before we could walk on our two feet. I am sure that everyone remember themselves as children: seeing the dishonesty around, seeing the lack of common sense, seeing the manipulation and lies. But at some point we all began to compromize ourselves -we learned to manipulate reality to get what we want. We know exactly how to manipulate our friends, our partner etc. because it's all so predictable - just like programs.


Through writing, I reveal myself to me – I reveal to myself the programs/conditionings that exist within me as me. I allow myself to be absolutely self-honest -not allowing myself to paint a nicer picture of reality, making things/myself look prettier/better. No. Brutal self-honesty is what I committed myself to.

As I go through what I’ve written, I am able to see –as each is able to see- how I actually deceive myself and give my power away to thoughts, emotions, beliefs and fears through my mere acceptance and allowance.

Then I take those points that I’ve revealed to myself and I apply self-forgiveness. As I write or speak self-forgiveness statements, I can watch the issue/construct I am working on unfolding in front of me, and I investigate each and every corner of it. So that nothing of it remains hidden. Writing or speaking self-forgiveness is a flow, just like following back a thread to see how i had woven the whole picture. Whenever I am stuck, I take a deep breath.

Forgiveness must be done in the breath, as the breath. It is not an intellectual act. The mind as the conditioning system we have become is not interested in forgiving. Thus, if I am stuck in a moment, I breathe and ‘come back here’ to the breath, and in the breath I force myself to continue by asking myself: what is here now? Because I know: whenever I am stuck, I am close to seeing an important point which my conditioned mind does not want me to see.

Self-forgiveness is using the mind to reveal the mind’s own nature. The mind has taken the role of suppressing our expression in order to apparently survive in this world. Now it’s time for us to become the directive principle of ourselves in self-honesty – no more allowing the conditionings of the mind as reactions and obsessions as manipulative survival skills to direct and define who we are.

Self-forgiveness is process work: as I write or speak self-forgiveness, I am seeing clearer into all aspects of an issue/ a construct. It's like peeling off the layers of an onion and laying it all out in front of me, seeing what's behind every layer - to then have an honest look at it and decide who I really want to be as LIFE. I self-honestly re-define who I am according to the principle of equality and oneness as life, instead of living as a conditioned robot according to my past experiences.

The self-forgiveness process/tool is about me giving me back to myself and clearly stating what I will accept and allow to exist within me as me -and what I will not accept and allow. No more compromizing. No more being a slave to the system/culture/religion i was 'brought up' in (and the thoughts/emotions/fears/beliefs/morality they taught me). Because how can different moralities exist, how can anyone be more than anyone else -when LIFE is equal always and all ways.


As I apply self-forgiveness, I literally feel myself taking my self-directive power back and becoming the self-honest directive principle of myself and my reality.

When do I apply self-forgiveness? Whenever I see that something inside of me is moving that I have not directed myself: thoughts, emotions, moods, reactions, mannerisms –anything that is here within me as me without me directing it -->self-forgiveness.

Self-forgiveness is me releasing myself from the past and directing myself to actually become LIFE as the directive principle of equality and oneness. Thus, the application of Self-forgiveness can only be valid and effective when I actually direct myself to practically CHANGE and stop existing through and as reactions of the past. I have to practically self-honestly direct myself here in the physical and change me from doing/being something that I haven't directed myself to be/do. This is practical self-honest, self-responsible self-direction.

Self-forgiveness is a tool to stop automatisms -and is not to be used as justification/excuse/reason like: oh, I can forgive myself thus i may as well go and deceive that person! That would be the ultimate self-dishonesty and manipulation in separation of myself here. It is common sense that deceiving/harming another is actually harming and deceiving ourselves. We are all one.


We all have allowed this world to become a reality where self-interest & belief is placed before life. The system as how this world functions in its unequal hierarchy is what we serve - instead of standing up for life as LIFE equal and one for all – each is busy defending their interests according to their beliefs. It’s time that each stand up within themselves and state “’till here no further”! No more abuse, no more separation, no more enslavement, no more self-defeat, no more giving responsibility away to systems of this world. It’s time to make this world a place where the children to come are welcome and safe, where everyone is equal and one as LIFE.

Systems are the result of distrust between people, born from the unwillingness to forgive each other unconditionally and walk equal and one in forgiveness here as breath. The system regulates our relationships between each other because we do not trust each other. From this, control and power over another was born, justified as “I cannot trust them”.

Self-forgiveness is a tool to remove the layers of self-dishonesty and to self-honestly see what each has become. From that, forgiveness for each other will be born, and this will stop the cycles/systems of distrust. Because forgiveness forms the foundation of trust - any self-deception will leave eternal scars in self-trust and lead to much dis-ease.

You will find that self-forgiveness leads to self-honesty and common sense as foundation of self. Self-honesty and common sense in practical application lead to self-trust. Self-trust lived allows you to stand up for yourself as who you really are and for all life equally. From here, we are able to start establishing trust among us – because it is the lack of trust between human beings (as a result of the lack of self-trust) that leads to separation, defence mechanisms, abuse, manipulation, survival of the fittest.

Yet even ‘the fittest’ die. And when they die, all that they have been as power of this world through money, manipulation, repression – is no more. Nothing that is perceived to be of value/power in this world is of any real value. Because the true value of life as equality and respect, as self-honesy, self-trust and self-responsibility have been abdicated for the sake of apparent survival. And this we call life! What have we done to ourselves!


There is no forgiveness. No-one can forgive another. As no-one can save or stand up for another. Each must do it for self. Thus, we must start forgiving ourselves to set ourselves free from the past and to actually CHANGE ourselves in all ways we have been existing. This is the only way we can change the world. Because the world is but a reflection of who we are within.


Practical Self-Forgiveness Assistance

The following is quite important information for those who choose to move quickly and effectively.

I will try to keep this short and to the point as a practical assistance. More will be revealed once these points are transcended and directive power of self is restored.

Those coming through the Interdimensional Portal indicate that the unconscious mind (the 1st mind) starts integrating from birth onwards. An approximation is that by the age of 7 years, the unconscious mind of the child is integrated. This unconscious mind 70% of the total capacity of the mind programmed and set according to the accepted unified consciousness field as well as the soul programme set with all activation points. What are these activation points--they are the codes placed in the magnetic grids that will activate as experiences in a person's life to give the idea that life is unpredictable, divinely guided etc--yet it is preprogrammed and is activated through a picture, word, sound, feeling etc

Then the 2nd mind, the subconscious mind, integrates (20% of mind capacity). Specifically, that is the personality development although all 3 minds also cross-pollinate in their integration. This amalgamation is finished at about the age of 12.

Then, the 3rd mind, the conscious mind, begins to actively "think" and develop the interactions and emotional cycles that will "feed" the mindsystem in its various cycles. Understand that the mind exist in cycles that forms an infinity 8 sign as it moves through the polarities of positive and negative. Look at the infinity 8 on its side - the top of the sign indicate the part of the cycle one will experience normally and the bottom part is that in the cycle taken for granted. This cycle also reverse the mind at the back of the neck and swap the creative and logic at integrated levels that allows a bizarre support for judgment, comparison, separation and ego. This continues up to the age of 28. The conscious mind is 10% capacity of the mind yet the conscious mind capacity is rarely reached and is usually between 4-7% for the average being with the odd one standing out and getting to the full 10%.

The Flagsystem video is very effective in dealing with this. It works like this:

First the conscious mind - the day by day thought and movement within the mind that is called "self" but really is "ego" - is fuelled by emotions and feelings. The forgiveness that is required to free us from this is then done as per the various ways assisted within DIY and Demon Videos and involves mostly all relationships established in the person's world.

A being practicing forgiveness as suggested will go through stages of emptiness as each layer is peeled (like an onion being peeled). Once the conscious is fully peeled, the subconscious will be revealed and a certain awareness of self as personalities (possibly various) will emerge. When that happens, a being will then Flag map self to identify points to apply forgiveness on. Once those layers are peeled, the being will finally get to the unconscious and repeat the tag and forgiveness process.

This is what we have accepted as the reality and the way the world works. It is our limitation programme and it is very subtle because few ever see any of this move beyond it in any way as it is so accepted as self by the masses.

The purpose is to get 100% of the mind aware all the time at all 3 mind stages - unconscious, subconscious and conscious.

The system you take out with forgiveness is not your brain, but the thing system which is an enslavement tool, you won't die, in fact the mind is extremely primitive and only work in polarities of survival and fear and love.

Thus, the mind which is the non-physical you experience in your head creates an illusion - thus no interdimensional communication possible that can be trusted with the mind functioning - I took mine out about 9 years ago and immediately had quantum abilities.

I find that self forgiveness assist with self honesty, especially when we do it aloud as then we are able to observe where we react physically or emotionally or energetically and when the reaction occur be carefull of justification and push for self honesty - self honesty brings relief when the insight is lived.

(Bernard Poolman)


Self-Forgiveness and Practical Application

Question

What ive realised is that self forgivness and self honestly is really the same thing. One allows you to first accept what you have created and then the second to forces you to realign away from it, towards a more natural state. I applyed both and within a week felt like i had done myself a huge favor. Ive been able to handle all situation in a none jugemental way and of course see it as part of a process. My mistake was to assume some projected idea about myself which caused me to "react" or fail to react in certain situaltions.

Perspective

Self forgiveness is the 'release' of the system constructs within you, you have defined you acording to 'who you are' as the personality of the mind. In applying self forgiveness effectively - you become 'aware' of what you have accepted and allowed the nature of you as 'who you are' to become according to which you have defined you as being. Yet - self forgiveness is not enough and will be useless without practical application as you participate in this world, and the practical application and self forgiveness must be done within and as brutal self honesty as you.

Practical application, when you actually live and apply the correction of that which you have applied self forgiveness for - for instance: Let's say you applied self forgiveness for when you become anxious around a certain specific being - then, when you are in the presence of the being once again and you experience the anxiety coming up, you are now aware because of applying self forgiveness, that this anxiety exists becasue of what you've accepted and allowed you to define 'you' as being and that this anxiety is not who you are - then self honesty in application in the moment immediately is to live the practical application of the self forgiveness you have done through stopping the anxiety immediately in that moment within you - through saying: STOP - out loud, or out loud within you. This STOP! is a self statement of who you are in the moment according to what you will accept and allow and what you will not accept and allow - so, in stopping the anxiety immediately - you make a self statement of 'who you are' in that moment - stating that you are not this anxiety and will thus not accept/allow it within you.

If the anxiety continue even after you say: STOP - you know your self forgiveness application was not effective - because somewhere inside you, you're still accepting and allowing you to define 'who you are' as 'anxiety'. And the anxiety will come up - self forgiveness doesn't take it away - you have to stop it in every moment when you are aware of it coming up - immediately and not participate in it - becasue this is how you test your application in every moment of breath in presence and self honesy as you. Within this process of application - you become self aware, within this process you establish and manifest who you are - as 'who you are' here within and as self honesty as you as the manifested expression in practical living application in every moment of breath.

(Bernard Poolman)


Self-Forgiveness cannot be Faked

This is important to realize, if you are unable to place self forgiveness in words as harmonic rythm and flow in writing or in words - you are not self honest yet. I find writing out the forgiveness in full while breathing to be very present in the experience and very effective in self discipline - to do it for self-effective - and complete as self nurturing and self honoring as life - as a constant reminder what it is about - self directing and self responsibility - when self trust is confirmed in self honesty - you will find what you trust you with to be effective.

Life is a moment - a breath - we take in - self forgiveness - and blow out - self honesty. Thus - in the circle of life, we stop the circle with self forgiveness and then start a new life every moment in self honesty.

In this way we purify ourselves and the environment we participate in and thus have a direct influence on the future of the world.

We are then equal to our own effectiveness in self honesty and self forgiveness and in total control/directive power of our lives.

(Bernard Poolman)


Self-Forgiveness and Specificity

Question

So recently ive been in this cycle of self abuse. ive been smoking cigarettes weed and chewing tobacco and occasionally drinking since i forgave them. I am here writing this to say STOP NO MORE I am here to live my forgiveness and actually make this world a better place i am tired of not caring what i do to myself as long as i get the stimulation my mind desires. why do i desire it? because i know i like it but i know there are consequences to it ive mindfucked myself into liking the stimulation when i know it is wrong to do these things.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have mindfucked myself into enjoying stimulation such as drinking chewing smoking weed and cigarettes when i know it is self abuse.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have been selfish instead of standing up and realizing that i must stop these things to end self abuse.

I am standing up as equal and one to all of me and saying no more no more self abuse through using tobacco and alcohol to stimulate myself after i have already forgiven it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself as more then life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself as this self delusion. I am still not real life someone on my facebook helped me awaken to the fact that i am not real that i still rely on memories. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself as the belief that i can forgive myself for being an illusion rather than actually living my words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself as the song lyrics "all around the world city to city"

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to call song lyrics inside my mind memories rather than what i am experiencing as me as my mind in this moment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that forgiveness can fix everything. I am allowing and accepting self correction I am standing as self correction.

It has been over twenty one days and i still have yet to stand up and commit to a four count breath.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the fear that I have sold myself to mind and will never be able to stand as equal and one with all that is me and do this process.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear hearing the words that i will not be able to do this process if i listen unconditionally.

this has alll stemmed from a moment when i was feeling low and saying to myself within myself that i dont care if i die that i can be sucked dry by the mind. I am not allowing and accepting that.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself as memory of me at my grandmothers today thinking about buying and tin of chew.


Perspective:

I suggest, to assist/support yourself with Self-Effectiveness and Specificity to walk with Self-Direction, is to Stabilize yourself within the Walking/Facing of you as this Point of Addiction through structuring your Self-Forgiveness more specifically and effectively and within-That, you'll assist/support yourself with self-direction and stability.

If you look at the writing of your Self-Forgiveness in relation to the Point you're facing as Addiction/Substance-Abuse - your writing / looking at the point is all over the place/inconsistent and unstable, not actually taking-on the actual core/source/origin points within yourself that you're facing in relation to this point of abuse. So - when taking-on this point, do it properly, effectively and specifically for-Yourself and walk-it as efficiently as you're able to.

This is done through walking one Point at a time, for example - Addiction and one's accepted and allowed manifested-consequence as self-abuse within participating-in/existing as addiction.

Then, you take a look at Addiction within yourself and your world, the specifics and details of how it manifest within you and your world and you apply your self-forgiveness accordingly - focusing on opening-up the details/specifics of how you're existing-as abuse through addiction. And you make sure your self-forgiveness is 'in alignment with' what you're facing as you.

Therefore, suggested - to take on this point properly and effectively, write out the framework of what you're facing in relation to addiction and the abuse within that, so you can see what you're facing as you, then apply self forgiveness specifically in relation to the specific point that you're facing, then - write how you're going to assist/support you to change you and then actually live your words of/as self-change to in fact change you.

So - pull up your socks, discipline yourself and become effective and specific.

(Sunette)


The dictionary for applying Self-Forgiveness

Question

Can we use a dictionary for applying Self-Forgiveness? Do you want me to apply Self-Forgiveness for everything I do, sense there is no right or wrong?

Perspective

If you have the 'time' you can do a page or so out of a dictionary a day. I did that a while back too. Just sat with a dictionary and flipped through the pages and any word that 'jumped' out at me I did forgiveness on. I also did it with a Louise Hay book on metaphysics.

There is no right or wrong - just what supports you and each person and animal in this world and is self-honest in the moment.


What exactly am I forgiving?

Question

I find that with forgiveness, It can sometimes be tricky as to what exactly I are forgiving. For example you could forgive yourself for laughing at someone who falls down. Do you forgive the action, or the actual subconscious reasoning you've developed in order to find humor in a situation such as that?


Perspective

Once all events flow through you without any change within in any way till atomic level- then you are clear in that moment, obviously every moment then must be clear. Thus - any reaction or thought - self forgiveness.

You will see when it has changed and again, in this no validation is possible as if I validate, the transcendence no longer is valid and you will time loop again, because SELF realization is also SELF validation within SELF honesty.


A Self-Forgiveness Experience

Question

I wanted to message you to tell you that I was watching a video about forgiveness, and then I watched your main video about the importance of forgiving oneself. Everyone knows about forgiveness, but not very much about "self-forgiveness."

I guess I finally understood. I made a list of people that I felt had hurt me. It was a loooong list. Then I went through and said "I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel hurt by (whoever). Then I went through and said "I forgive you (whoever).

I'm only 1/3 through my list, and my stomach area is no longer a hole. It has strength and feels like there is a balloon blowing up inside of it. I cannot believe how much better I feel. It's some kind of strength.

Anyway, I wanted to tell you about it, and thank you for your work. You're helping people, if they would only listen. You are pretty advanced for the general public.

I also have studied a bit of Gurdjieff. I found some of his books with his actual teachings in them when I was on my spiritual quest about 12 years ago. I was doing the stop exercise, and also the part where you look at things that have happened in the past, and look at them through adult eyes. Wow! I did have the same thing happen to me when I did these examinations of important things in the past. Right around my rib cage, it felt like a balloon was blowing up inside of me. It's energy, right?

Nothing bothered me for 5 days. I kept looking at the ground because I couldn't say that my feet were touching the ground. It didn't feel like they touching. It was an incredible experience.

Anyway, you are a very unusual and advanced person. Thank you for your work. Your emphasis on forgiving oneself is very advanced knowledge, and it works! I hope you continue to tell people how important it is, and that they can make progress and see results "immediately." That's what it was, immediate. I wonder how long it would take a psychologist to produce results like that. Probably never.

Perspective

To assist further, with regards to self-forgiveness – is to be specific within the self-forgiveness applied – the specificity within the application of self-forgiveness will assist within the specificity of the release and realization within and as and of self.

Realize it is important in assisting and supporting self to apply self-forgiveness within absolute self-honesty – because if self-forgiveness is merely empty words spoken, the memories remain and suppression of self of the mind is enhanced.

Therefore, the ‘most effective’ was, as I would suggest, is to actually ‘write’ that which you have experienced within you towards the beings, and to as and while and during you write – to apply self-forgiveness. Because realize, that what we experience within ourselves – towards anyone or anything, that someone or something towards which we have reacted within ourselves in thought or deed, is but a reflection of what is existent within ourselves.

For instance, an example: Let us say you were within a situation of confrontation with another human being, and thoughts of judgment and ridicule entered your mind. The suggestion is to apply self-forgiveness for the judgments and ridicules within one’s mind as for instance: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think within me, that he is a self-centered bastard. And so you continue with the thoughts and reactions within you directed towards another as you. Because when you judge someone within you, within the mind = your judgment-reaction ‘shows you’ – that, that which the other person did that caused the judgment, you’re actually also doing to others – the other person, was merely showing, what you accept and allow within you also to do/speak towards others.

So, whenever something irritates you, or frustrates you, or angers you, meaning ‘triggers a reaction within you’ – realize that that person is actually representing what you’re still accepting and allowing to exist within and as you. So, what you do, in assisting and supporting you effectively – is firstly: When a reaction is triggered within you – apply self-forgiveness for the thoughts and emotions as reactions experienced within you – until there exist no movement within you. Then you have a look at where and when within your world – do you do that exact same thing as the person did who triggered the reaction of irritation/frustration/sadness/anger/judgment within you. From here – you assist and support you within self-corrective application to stop acting/doing that very same thing. This is self-forgiveness, applied in self-honesty together with self-corrective application applied in self-honesty = where within self-forgiveness, you recognize and realize what you have accepted and allowed, and within this realization – you stop what you have accepted and allowed within practical application = so you purify you completely.

The same goes for instance within comparison – when you think/believe within yourself that someone is ‘more than you’, then that aspect of them you think ‘makes them more than you’ – you have no accepted and realized as you, yourself. For instance, let’s say you view/experience another human being as ‘more’ ‘open’ than you are – and compare your ‘openness’ towards another, herein, realize – that because the comparison exists – that you have actually not accepted and realized you as openness, and the comparison within you, towards another = reveals that which you haven’t accepted and realized as yourself. So, here – again, first apply self-forgiveness for the mind-activity: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare ‘openness’ towards another human being and define ‘openness’ within another human being in separation of me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from openness. I accept me as openness. Then, whenever a comparison of openness towards another come up again – you stop the comparison within the mind, and state: I am openness.

So, the specificity within self-forgiveness applied in self-honesty together with self-corrective application – will determine the specificity of self-expression in self-trust here.

No – the ‘blowing up’ is not ‘energy’, ‘energy’ is a limited design of the mind, representing the ‘life force’ of the mind, and you as who you really are is not energy as life for of the mind. The experience you’re having is the suppression of you that is ‘releasing’ – and the expression of you ‘stepping forth’ within and as you. It’s actually a ‘release’ that is experienced.

The ‘floating experience’ is also that of ‘release’ – though, to assist and support you to not define yourself in separation according to an ‘experience’ as that of release – stabilize yourself here, stabilize yourself within and as your breathing, and ensure you are self-aware here within and as your human physical body as you. This is done by being aware of the tips of your toes and tips of your fingers – which will assist and support to ensure you’re HERE within and as breath within and as the physical human body – not ‘losing yourself’ within an experience = which would be separation.

The reason I suggested the writing also, is that it’ll assist within specificity of self-forgiveness applied within self-honesty.

(Bruce L.)


Self Forgiveness and Separation

Question

So now in my experience during forgiveness, i am using words like, "I am not my mind" or "my mind is not who I really am" Yet, this is not so. I at the moment am my mind so when i use the above phrasing, I am actually lying to myself. I speak these phrases and then say to myself "but actually you are these things" However I am working through them.

I am wondering how to reconcile these points. To affirm the truth that I am still a mind consciousness system at the moment but not to give my power as myself as "who i really am" to it. You see this "who I really am" seems like a future version of myself when i am no longer of mind. Actually, I "really am" a mind consciousness system still so why would i say I’m not! You see where I’m at. Still separating myself from my mind, not seeing it as one with me, believing that i must separate my mind from who i really am. Maybe I am supposed to stop my mind but not separate it from who I am as oneness. But that seems pointless also, like carrying around a big rock that really is just extra weight serving no purpose.


Perspective

I understand your experience - let's look at it this way:

First step: Stand within and as oneness and equality as yourself - meaning - standing within and as oneness and equality as you as a mind consciousness system - no separation 'from' the mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions, systems - because in this moment - it's who you are and what you are - thus - you're 'allocating' yourself - your 'finding' your 'allocation' as a mind consciousness system within and as the unified consciousness field. Standing within and as oneness and equality as what you are and who you are in this moment.

Second Step: You know - (knowledge) that you are not a mind consciousness system -meaning that 'who you really are' is not a mind consciousness system - you know (knowledge) who you really are, is life within and as oneness and equality as all as one as equal. Now - you as a mind consciousness system - must birth yourself from system - to/as life within and as oneness and equality as all as one as equal.

Now - to place this knowledge of who you are in practical application - the process of living who you are as life within and as oneness and equality as all as one as equal - the 'tools' are given: Self honesty, self-forgiveness, self-statements, self-corrective application and breathing - living the tools as you to assist and support you within your process of birthing yourself as life from the physical from a mind consciousness system as what and who you are currently in this moment.

Third Step: With you standing within and as oneness and equality as yourself as a mind consciousness system - together with these tools - in placing the knowledge into application of who you are as life within and as oneness and equality as all as one as equal - when you make the statement: I am not the mind - this is not done within / of separation - this is then a statement of realization of you - because you know who you really are is not the mind - and you're currently within this process of realizing yourself as who you really are as life within and as oneness and equality as all as one as equal through practically applying yourself in every moment as every breath.

Because the statement: 'I am not the mind' is a directive statement, you as a mind consciousness system making the statement that this is not who you really are - when standing / as standing within and as oneness and equality as the entirety of you as a mind consciousness system - no separation - here you have the ability to direct yourself effectively within and as your process of realising you as life - if in separation - that which you stand within and as separation of - will direct / control you -then - no movement/self-direction possible.


Thus - all that is required is:

1. Self-honesty in every moment when you see a thought, feeling and emotion arise within you - to immediately apply self-forgiveness

2. Self-forgiveness

3. Self-corrective application

4. Breathing

The process of stopping the mind is placed within the Structural Resonance documents - apply and live the 4 points in every moment of you - so you may live and experience the realisation of who you are of oneness and equality - WITH NO MIND.

First step: Stop the mind - you'll only know who you are/experience who you are/live who you are/understand who you are/speak who you are - when the mind stops.

(Veno)


Using the Imagination

Using the imagination to test and place self forgiveness is very effective, especially when you have seen how brutally you can be in the imagery - very cool way to expand your sphere of influence and deal with fears extensively - no need for time loops if you do this but for a few confirmations in areas that must be tested and is part of the foundation of the unified field anyway.

(Bernard Poolman)

Question

I was getting the impression that "imagination" was the mind and just stay out. I find myself placing myself in imaginary situations where im communicating with others as one and equal, and these senarios are almost reactionary, just enter them then realize. So one is able to do forgiveness on living in senarios in my mind? Also when different thoughts arise certain images I apply forgivness on the thought/image but what im hearing from you here is that to induce imaginary situations for forgivness is effective when my understanding is to just stay out of the mind.


Perspective

The mind is like a movie production house in the unified field and you - sometimes are the producer and mostly it just run by itself.

So in using it to sort out scenarios with self forgivenes and then letting it go - accelerates your process, but understand you will still face the situation many times to test your self honesty in it, thus if you "fail" once you have doen the imagery with self forgiveness do not judge yourself but go back to the drawing board and dig deeper to find the source of the sourcery in your expression where the cauldron of feelings and emotions tumble from you when it should be silence here as life moving.

We are not slaves to anything unless we allow it.

(Bernard Poolman)


Worry Stone

Question

Was in the gift shop of some cave today and I saw for sale these little 'worry stones,' little small, flat, polished rocks that are intended to keep your mind busy while you rub on them with your thumb.

I bought one and gave it to my sister, but screw the fancy ones, I got a rock from the desert and am using it. It's a little heavier than the 'pro' ones, and as I feel it bounce around in my pocket, it remindes me to breathe. When I am using it, the combination of focusing on breath and the experience of feeling of my fingers agianst the stone help me quiet the mind, what with me being preoccupied.

Perspective

Life is a moment--a breath--we take in --self forgiveness--and blow out--self honesty 


Thus--in the circle of life--we stop the circle with self forgiveness and then start a new life every moment in self honesty 

In this way we purify ourselves and the environment we participate in and thus have a direct influence on the future of the world 

we are then equal to our own effectiveness in self honesty and self forgiveness and in total control/directive power of our lives

2009 - 2011

Breathing to calm down

Question

I noticed throughout my whole life that instead of expressing anger, I had to breathe instead, but never realized it. I remember when I used to get picked on in school and a classmate told me to "just breathe" this was way before I found out that this was a self-forgiveness tool because I used to get angry at almost everything after being betray by my family. Now, I see myself seeing differently instead of getting mad at circumstances slow slow breath, just breathing, just breathing ...and then just breathing again. love you sneaks through...okay!

Perspective

Yes, many utilize the technique of breathing to 'calm down' in situations, however - this is not the Living/Applying Breath that we refer to in assisting/supporting self within/as Process, to - through and as Breath, live here in and as the Physical. Meaning, if you look at the situation - it's a very small step to becoming 'self-aware' in relation to realising the application of self in/as breath, but - only using breath in certain-specific situations, is not standing equal-to and one with breath, it's simply using breath for a momentary-benefit, when it's already in-fact 'too late', meaning - you're using breath to deal-with a manifested consequence as anger, when you could've stopped the anger in the first place through living breath here and directing the moment with words not energy.

So, initially - yes, utilizing breath as a assistance/support in moments to stop-self from acting-out as-Mind which only manifest regret/shame and consequence is Great. Though realise, it's to become living breath, where - you don't place yourself in situations of manifested consequence in the first place.

So, here - just some further perspective in relation to Breath and the practical application thereof as self.



Self-Forgiveness Examples

System Designs

(taken from the Mind-System Interviews)


Energy System - Forgiveness Application

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to believe that this thought is who I am in believing that I am tired.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to believe a thought.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to give power to a thought in the belief that it is me that it is telling me that I am tired.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to have a thought tell me that I am tired.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to believe that tiredness exists.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to be subject to energy.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to be controlled by energy.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to experience energy in the belief that energy is me.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to believe that I am energy.


Embarrassment System - Forgiveness Application

(starting point is fear of change, which stems from fear of loss - Triangle Manifestation) (fear of change - where do you fear change and why do you fear change) (fear of loss - where do you fear loss and why do you fear loss)


I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to fear change.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to hide with justification through embarrassment that I fear change because I know that if I change my world will change and my relationship with those in my world will change.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to fear losing those that I call perceived friends.

I forgive myself that I'd rather blend in as a chameleon with society and be of the systems than assist myself in my individual process as I understand that they will also inevitably eventually get here.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to fear losing my friends in my world.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to define myself according to my friends and that is why I fear losing them because if I lose them I'll apparently lose myself.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to believe that I'm actually able to lose myself.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to fear change because my controlled world is who I am and if it would change I wouldn't be able to control my life anymore.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to fear change because I've defined myself according to my world that is me and that's all that must and may exist because that's all that exists of me.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to accept myself and my world as one with and equal to with that which only exists and I will not allow myself to expand.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to fear expansion.

(then you look into your world and see if there exists any form of embarrassment. If there is - then you must go back to fear of loss and fear of change because within those two points you missed something that embarrassment still exists within)


-Triangle manifestation of release that you must let go of.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to believe energy exists.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to participate in the construct of energy to exist.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to be directed by energy.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to be the directive principle of me in my world.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to give my responsibility to energy to manifest in my world to tell me how I must be and how I must experience myself instead of me expressing me.


Sacred Geometric Triangle System - Forgiveness Application

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to define myself according to sacred geometrical manifestations separate from me.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to define myself according to these manifestations in my world to tell me who I must be, how I must be, how I must live, and how I must exist.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to place value, and worth, and definition within these sacred geometrical manifestations.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that in participating in these sacred geometrical manifestations of consciousness that I am supporting consciousness manifestations of separation and therefore I am responsible for this world and the current manifestation of this world.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to become angry with the system at the moment telling me that my beliefs and ideas in the geometrical manifestations of this world are false.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to become angry at the system telling me that what I am is false.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to live in separation by needing and being dependent on geometrical manifestations separate from me to manifest my stable world of who I am.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to believe that I am the sacred geometrical manifestations that has been presented to this world that is of this world that is of consciousness.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to believe that I am these geometrical aligned triangles of knowledge and information which I implement and manifest in my world.

I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to live.

I forgive myself that I haven't realized that I've never actually lived.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to use geometrical manifestations of this world that is of consciousness as a construct and in that construct define that as living.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to exist in separation.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to define myself according to separation.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to use separation as a definition to tell me who I am because I couldn't find me.

I forgive myself that on my search for me I have been using geometrical manifestations of consciousness to tell me who I am because I've given up on myself.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to need and become dependent on geometrical manifestations to tell me who I am and who I must be because I don't know who I am.

I forgive myself that I haven't been honest with me in terms of realizing that I don't know who I am and I have not ever lived.


Fear of Change System - Forgiveness Application:

When your world is changing, when something of your world is not what it was before, and you experience breakdown or fear or anxiety, etc. - know that that part of your world, you've used to define you according to, and if that were to go, you'd not exist anymore or a part of you will not exist anymore.

The same with relationships - why do people have emotional breakdowns - because that person that left, in them a part of you existed, and without them, you're nothing, that part of you is gone - whether it be the perception of love, caring, holding, support, stability - people put that out there in their world and then when that collapses, they collapse, because they've gone and defined themselves according to separate manifestation in their world.


I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to fear change because I have to find myself according to that specific point that I change.

I forgive myself that I've defined myself according to that which is separate from me in my world and if that were to go a part of me would go.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to define myself in placing myself into materialistic manifestations in my world, and if that were to go I would go and I would disappear and I can't handle that - I have to control my world.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to try and control my world because as long as I control my world I know I am in control and nothing has to change.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to use a method of control keeping human beings in my world as I want them to be so that I can make sure that I don't have to change.

Who is in your world - who are you controlling, why are you controlling them, how are you controlling - to remain in your world just as you want them, exactly in their place - you know how to be with them, how to talk to them, what to say to them, what to wear in front of them, how to behave in front of them, exactly - just to keep them in your world - and that's what happens to relationships. In relationships, people control each other - so that they can just remain in their relationship, so they know where they stand with each other, so that they never have to change - that's why emotional breakdown occurs because that control falls and then they realize that 'I can't control that person' and because they've placed all and everything of themselves into a person separate from them - and then they fall apart and their whole world falls apart, etc. 
Have a look at where in your world you've gone and defined yourself according to someone separate from yourself - where have you placed you outside of you, that if that were to go you would completely have a breakdown. Test it for yourself - put everything of your world in front of you, take away everything one by one, remove it - so that only you stand alone. 
If you take away your partner, where are you reacting in your physical human body, or where are you reacting emotionally - if you're reacting emotionally, for instance, you experience fear...so, immediately: 

(practical example)

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to fear being without my partner.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to fear being alone.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to fear being independent.

Etc., and continue.

(the human mind has a difficult time telling the difference between 'real' and 'illusion' - actually it can't tell the difference in that moment - so, 'imagining' specific parts of your world (people, things, animals, etc. - do every part) being taken out of your world is a very useful thing to do - then note your immediate reaction to this, write it down - likely be of fear of loss/fear of change, then lay out a forgiveness application for your specific reaction/situation just as the system explains))

Masturbation

(taken from a forum member's writings)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear talking or writing about fantasy masturbation and phone sex on the forum.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expose myself on this forum on the subjects of fantasy masturbation, phone sex and prostitution.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have pondered about whether to post about fantasy masturbation and phone sex because I’m so ashamed about it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have wanted to leave out about the subject of prostitution in all of this / that I wanted to leave out that I did use the services of prostitutes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think the topic of fantasy masturbation and phone sex too outrageous to write about on this forum.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the contents of my secret mind about fantasy masturbation and phone sex being on this forum because I might get judged by others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as dirty, bad and pathetic for fantasy masturbating and phone sexing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my writing about my having phone sexed and fantasy masturbated being on the Internet – being “out there” for all to see.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the judgements of others in general.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change my actions in daily life because of how I fear what others will say about me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what people say about me in their secret discussions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to walk into fantasy masturbating and phone sexing knowing that I was walking into it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the thoughts and feelings were too strong to resist / to keep resisting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have defined myself as a sex addict and an obsessive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being bisexual.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to label myself as “probably bisexual” because of my fantasy masturbating and phone sexing with men.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have judged the men and myself on the phone lines as dirty, bad and pathetic.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have judged the men and myself on the phone lines as perverted and sex addicts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself not to masturbate in general because I see masturbation as dirty and bad.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can’t masturbate without images or by speaking with others on the phone without feeling dirty and bad.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live the “in for a penny in for a pound” thinking about masturbation – thinking that I’ll feel dirty and bad if I just masturbate anyway “so I might as well get as big a thrill out of it as possible by phone sexing”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use masturbation as a release from a build up of energy by using images, ideas, notions, situations, scenarios to masturbate about and to – with or without others on the phone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that I can’t stop fantasy masturbating and phone sexing happening.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to secretly want to fuck women so much.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have secretly wanted to fuck women for so long.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have suppressed the magnitude of my wanting to fuck women because it scares me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have used men for phone sex in the place of women because men were much more available and up for it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have fantasy masturbated with men despite finding the reality of male homosexuality as dirty and bad.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to secretly judge male homosexuality as dirty and bad.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have become secretly turned on by male homosexuality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have judged myself as dirty, bad and pathetic for secretly participating in fantasy masturbation and phone sex with men.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have used men for phone sex and fantasy masturbation because I resent men in general and I get a power kick out of it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed that I desire to fuck and be fucked by men while I am fantasy masturbating and phone sexing with them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed that the anal fucking I desire with men also exists towards / for women – something I’ve denied.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge anal fucking as dirty and bad.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed that the oral sex I desire with men also exists towards / for women – something I’ve denied.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have polarised how I see men and women – seeing men as ugly and dirty and females as clean, beautiful and pure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear homosexuality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that I have to transcend that fear of homosexuality by being / by becoming homosexual – by actually going with men for real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to keep going through a purge-binge-purge-binge-purge… series of cycles.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to start off the cycle by punishing myself and being hard on myself for having fantasy masturbated and / or phone sexed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have seen the purge as a pattern but to only have seen the binge as the pattern to be got rid of by purging.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have seen abstinence as the answer despite abstinence having not worked for 12 years of attempts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself not to see myself for what I am because when I’m in abstinence I eventually start thinking and believing I’m clean, good and OK again “as long as I’m abstinent”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live the polarity of binge and purge in practise – not realising that my secret mind is the same whether I’m binging in fantasy masturbation and / or phone sex or whether I’m on / into a purge.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get so confused as to think and believe that the answer is either to transcend it all by going with people for real or to purge in abstinence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge and to have judged myself as dirty, bad, pathetic, and a failure each time I’ve fallen out of a purge into sexually acting out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear myself sexually acting out - fantasy masturbating and or going into phone sex - so giving power to my mind over me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “go crazy” if I allow myself to view naked women.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see pornography as bad.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “go crazy” if I see moving porn pictures of women being sexual.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “go crazy” if I see still or moving porn images of women engaged in sex with men.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear viewing porn because it stimulates me and to avoid watching porn because it stimulates me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the women in the porn for displaying themselves and “making me” / “getting me” stimulated.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the women to blame for the porn being out there “because they get paid for it”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the makers of porn (the filming crew and publishes) for putting the porn out there.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the participants and makers of the porn as dirty and bad.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the existence of porn, adult Internet chat rooms, and adult phone chat for me fantasy masturbating and phone sexing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have written about this on the forum earlier.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have not asked for help and assistance on the forum earlier.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have used fantasy masturbation and phone sex as a release from anger, rage, fears, boredom and depression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have used fantasy masturbation and phone sex as a means to sexual pleasure – despite it harming me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have used fantasy masturbation and phone sex as a means of release and sexual pleasure despite it harming others – my use of images without permission harming the people in those images and myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have not seen the guys and women I’ve come across on the phone and on the Internet as reflections of me – that they abusing me and themselves was me abusing me and themselves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself by going into purging and abstinence – and then thinking “I’m OK now” once I start to feel better after a few days of purging. Nothing is dealt with in the purging and suppression – that’s why I keep repeating the cycles.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be confused about masturbation – I don’t’ know if my body needs it – so I’m not willing to give it masturbation because I see masturbation as dirty and bad anyway and because I feel dirty and bad after releasing body fluids in masturbation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself not to masturbate without pictures because I find masturbation dirty and bad anyway.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself not to masturbate without pictures because I go “in for a penny in for a pound” in that situation because “I’m going to feel dirty and bad anyway” so “I might as well masturbate to pictures in my mind or with people on the phone”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to punish myself severely when I masturbate with images in my head / about people I know – not that that makes it OK to masturbate about people I know but the being hard on myself starts the next cycle / is a feature of the cycle per se.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have thought I was better than other men because I didn’t sleep around.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have secretly wanted to sleep around but to have feared doing so.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have wanted to sleep around and to have envied the guys that did sleep around.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have resented the guys who slept around and got sex because I secretly wanted all of that sex.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have judged the men who got the girls as bastards because they got the girls and I didn’t.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still be angry at my past girlfriend.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that she should be with me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I should be with her.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have felt disturbed these last weeks because it was coming up to Melinda’s birthday – despite me not having seen her for some years now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have allowed Melinda’s birthday to affect me. My mind wanted me to send her greetings again – which I’d like to do but which really serves no purpose and comes from the starting point of me wanting her in my life despite her having moved on a long time ago.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent and be angry at Melinda for moving on a long time ago.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that Melinda used me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for letting Melinda use me and for me using her as a means to sex.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel repulsed by my fantasy masturbation and or phone sex.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed by my desires for anal sex and oral sex with women.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear sex with a woman in case I don’t “please her”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear catching a disease in sex with a woman.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear getting a woman pregnant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear catching a disease in sex with a man.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do fantasy masturbation and phone sex with men despite not intending ever to go with a man for real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I was better than other guys because I didn’t masturbate until I was 30.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I’m far worse than other guys now because I have fantasy masturbated and have had phone sex with men and women.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have condemned myself for fantasy masturbating and having phone sex.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that going with prostitutes was OK “because I already had fantasy masturbated and had phone sex”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have condemned myself for going with prostitutes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have judged myself as dirty, bad and pathetic for going with prostitutes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the prostitutes for being legal in Amsterdam – which is where I went to go with them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have blamed the existence of prostitution for me going with prostitutes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have judged the prostitutes and myself as dirty, bad, pathetic and polluted.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel agitated and ashamed because I do self-forgiveness on the forum about my activities of fantasy masturbation, phone sex and having gone with prostitutes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the state of The Netherlands for having legal prostitution because I went there to indulge in it rather than do it illegally here in the UK – really prostitution is no different whether legal or illegal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate myself for having fantasy masturbated, phone sexed and for having gone with prostitutes.


Feeling wounded and crippled

I pitty myself... I see myself as this inocent child, who has endured more than one should...

now that I think about it, I have even gotten confirmation of this fact from my mom. Within

this, I see myself as wounded or crippled, but still willing to move and go on. Like a martyr I

sacrifice myself for something I don't even know. Interesting... Superior yet inferior or

inferior who compensates with superiority.

Stuff has happened, yes. But the important thing is to realize that it is I who is keeping me

chained to these events and memories.

Let yourself go... It is the only way you will be able to love yourself again.

I love you Lauri, I love me Everything is going to be ok.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my past as 'dramatic' and 'sad'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify me deserving more due to my past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be chained to my past, in the fear of not being a good person if I let go

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blaim myself for the things that have gone wrong in my past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blaim myself for loosing the people that I have lost

I forgive myself taht I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the feelings that I accepted and allowed myself to feel in the presence of those that I have lost

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the things I felt were of the beings I were with and not of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget sides of me that I had tied to the people that I have lost

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and forget sides of me that I had tied to certain places that I have left behind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define love as something seperate of myself.


COMPASSION:

I wonder if I have given up on compassion? I remember a time, when I used to be caring and

saying things that 'i knew people "needed" to be heard'. I want to love and care again... but it

has to start within and as me.

Be able to speak yourself, speak your tenderness... The process is not here to make us machines,

but to wake us up to the reality of things.

Love without reservation!

I forgive myself that I have accpted and allowed myself to fear myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself, as the question: How will other perceive me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself in the presence of others, thus making me retreat into that little room inside my head

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to litteraly petrify with fear when meeting other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bullshit myself into perceiving that my coldness toward people and my refusal to see myself in them is not a defence mechanism, but an overall 'hovering above' others and even myself... somehow

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to grow cynical of life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather be cynical of life than to learn to love what is here unconditionaly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear unconditionality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear unconditionality, as a fear of possible rejection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear unconditionality, as me not possibly getting the things I desire or perceive to deserve.


Letting myself just be:

No matter what I do, the main focus should be on how I do it. When thinking about the questions

most present in my reality: How will I survive? Will I be able to make it? Will I be able to

'conquer myself'? Am I strong enough? Will I be able to change? Etc... I must look at the

perspective I'm trying to find an answer from: Am I looking for a 'path' through which I'm able

to prove to myself that I am able to do all that I have set out to do -- by this I mean events

in the form of questions such as: Have I done enough? What should I do to change/fix myself/the

world. Cause within these questions I am observing myself from a perspective of outer

definitions, or simply put: The mind. Who am I to single handedly decide that a path as a mind

created future projection has all the nessecary elements taken into concideration? How can I

define what actions lead to what consiquence and who am I to judge other/myself through this

system of definitions, values, perspetions, etc. The correct perspective I should be observing

is in the imediate now here which I reside within, and see if my actions are taken from a

correct starting point -- a starting point of me.

Surviving and making money is but an action -- within which I can be free or of systems. The

systemification starts at the moment I define anything of my work or myself through my work or

the money I make of it. If in the other hand I walk free while doing the nessecary things to

survive -- I am free to see my reality, my self and this world in any way I please. If I choose

to hang on to none, I can even see in quantum, if you will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed judgement within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed judgement within and as me in the form of a

question I ask in almost every moment: "Am I good enough?", by questioning my actions, my

direction, my beingness, my self.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to just be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my every move, action, breath, word and thought from the perspective of right and wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself by judging others and thus by setting standards for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself from the perspective of finding a mate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need/want/desire/require a mate to make my life and my experience thereor better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-forgiveness...


Painting my world as desperate:

There are alot of things that I enjoy: Foods, tastes, sensations, substances, experiences, emotions and thrills -- many others I am sure. I understand how empty the experiences are. They are illusions, which give me something for a moment, but ultimately make me chase myself through them by making me believe in the 'finer things in life'. What makes me desire 'finer things' in the first place? An escape. An escape of this 'hell hole of a world'... or atleast my perseption thereof. If I see my world as bleak or hopeless I am also able to find a justification for 'falling'. Falling in love, in the face of temptation... you name it. But ultimately within this loop I just torture myself with despair to accept and allow myself to escape to pleasure. The rougher the truth I escape -- the rougher the ways I escape with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself and my world as desperate and meaningless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my desperation as a justification to fall to which ever temptation is presented to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my desires to create desperation within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that only 'the finer things in life' are able to make my existance bareable.


Desire of being special:

This point I am the most ashamed of. To me it seems like all my efforts have been for an altruistic cause. To save, to proove, to make better, to fix... But in the end alot of it has been about the fact that if I were able to pull this off -- I would be, the one, saving, prooving, making better, fixing, etc... Within this I have also created a loop which will make sure each and every time that my attempts will end up in failure. I have tried to grow from a starting point of self-interest -- this I have justified by saying that my cause is just -- but no matter the justifications, my actions remained the same. Within this opens up a world of desires, fears, expectations, hopes -- which inevitably take me down in the face of any real change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need to be special

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a fraud for being of self-interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do things for others instead of myself from the perspective of: Me wanting to save everyone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do things for others instead of myself from the perspective of: Me wating to be praised by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live for the approval of others

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to do things for myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to do things as myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to walk this processs for myself as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to seem special in the eyes of the people I admire

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seperate myself from everyone else by defining myself as a 'lone wolf' I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my curiosity for people and life due to my fear of refection I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear rejection I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people are afraid of me I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that people will judge me I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pressure myself into 'reaching prefection' I forgive myself that I ahve accepted and allowed myself to demand 'perfeciton' from myself I forgive myself taht I have accepted and allowed myself to define 'perfection' as absence of pain I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define 'perfection' as absence of sorrow I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define 'perfection' as me existing as only one kind of experience I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define 'perfection' as suppression I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to torture myself by defining my world as 'so lost' that i am unable to have any 'real' contact with other beings I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need contact with other beings I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself support, as I have defined support as a weakness I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see asking for support as evil due to the extensive abuse of support existing wihtin my world I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that none of this will 'stick' I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sleeping beacuse I fear that no matter what I have understood today it will be gone tomorrow

This is the first time I am doing this, This is the first time ever I am doing this... bound to be set backs, bound to be points which take 'time' to understand...

I forgive myself that I ahve accepted and allowed myself to demand imediate success from myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failure I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be abandoned because I failed somehow I forgive myself that I have accetped and allowed myself to fear that I wont be loved or accepted if I fail at something I do, or set out to do I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgement of people I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see others as judgemental I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see others as spiteful I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see others as full of hate I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see myself in others I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to help others as myself because I fear that they will judge me I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek certain reactions from others to satisfy my doubts of myself, instead of solving them within and as me I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpit responses or the lack thereof as me being different and seperated from others I forgive myself that I ahve accepted and allowed myself to see myself as separated from others

Indeed, I have felt like I am separated from others! Everywhere I look I see people getting reassured, supported and being loved, and each and every time I compare myself to those people and those moments to the one's I experience. I am the one who isolated me, and it would take a very special kind of self-interest to try to 'reach over' the barriers that I have built.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build a wall around me due to my overwhelming fear of being vurnerable and myself and still being rejected I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel isolated within the walls that I myself built I forgive myself taht I have accepted and allowed myself to look over the walls I built and compare my experience to the ones I observe around me I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I let someone close to me they will over burden me with obligation I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to fear that if someone were to burden me with obligation they would also have means to force me to obey them I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for a relationship and thus try to manifest my fear of relationships I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see any and all interaction between people as dishonest and evil, due to the extensive amount it is being abused I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to isolate myself from everyone because I fear that their systems and dishonesties would influence me I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people's dishonesty I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myselt to believe that others can/have the premission to influence me

And still within my self-pitty and the wall i built holds something that makes me go back there, even now for a moment i accepted and allowed myself to feel this sadness... Yes, the world is a fucked up place. Blindness, pain, suffering, suppression, hunger... BUT WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO THAT I GET FUCKING TORN OVER IT? WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO? NOTHING, THATS WHAT!!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorrow for myself and the world instead of taking action I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to 'understand' what action to take I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that the entire responsibility will be mine if i choose to take ANY I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as having to be a hero who saves the day I forgive myself that I ahve accepted and allowed myself to have to be the hero who saves the day I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pitty myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wallow in sorrow and sadness I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to take self-responsibility and rise above and beyond sorrow and sadness wihtin and as the moment it arises


Self-dishonesty of 'I'll do it later' and 'I am already making such progress' to justify things still held on to with self-interest.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I have made a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel 'less than' due the the perceived mistake I made

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my process to the process of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and rank the process into steps and levels, which I then compare against each other

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself and my process to others

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that all comparison and self-judgement is useless to the outmost degree as my experience is my experience and thus only influenced by me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that all comparison and self-judgement is useless to the outmost degree as this process is for me to do for myself alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see time as a sequence of moments instead of a constant which is present in the now which is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from myself as an observer who judges if my 'progress' is sufficient or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuck myself with a mind-game of 'becoming myself', within which I make the rules and requirements as my mind and not myself

I forgive myself that I have defined my actions as enough/not enough within a certain time frame

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my existance in time

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see time as constant

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define time according to numbers like: 60/60/24/7/12/365/etc...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'reset myself' every time I go to bed and wake up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my current dishonesties and existance by being able to momentarily 'come down' from my mind into and as breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my my current dishonesties and existance by looking primarily at my understanding

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that understanding is useless without application

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and be in and as my breath in spesific moments only

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to try and be in and as my breath in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'try' and not 'do'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and 'come down' from my mind as much as possible instead of trying to just stop the mind itself


Perceiving the world through concepts/ideas/pictures

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive this world through concepts/ideas/pictures i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysef to believe that i wont be able to understand unless i percieve this world through concepts/ideas/pictures i forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that there exists nothing separate from the perceiver, meaning nothing sperate from me i forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to understand what politics/entertainment/power/control/fashion/almost everything of this world is really about -- to control and guide the experience of reality as the experience of each one i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get lost in the theoretical as seperate from the perceiver/separate from me i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that honor exists i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that tradition exists i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that success exists i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that heritage exists i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compare the city i live in to bigger ones, not realizing that the bigger the city, the more powerful means of control are present in the form of: a structure of possible experiences and roles from which one can find their 'place' i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to need and desire to 'find my place' i forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that 'my place' is with in and as me

hmmh, interesting

i just pasted the text into my blog aswell and thought to myself, hmm

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think stuff to myself instead of saying stuff to myself i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to communicate to myself through that which is not real i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge speaking to oneself as weird/odd/crazy

So, now i said it to myself:

why don't i include my self-forgivenesses to my blog or to my facebook? -i don't want for my boss to read them, was one point that came up.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i wont survive i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear what people might think of me/how they might judge me if they saw/hear/read me doing self-forgiveness i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as 'less than' money for me being willing to compromise myself over the making thereof i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear 'being exposed' when in retrospect there is nothing to hide in me i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear 'stepping out of line' and the prosecution i assume i would be facing i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being me

i will include SF in progressvault/facebook if points come up with the texts i write in there cause really... what can they do to me? Can i really be prosecuted for getting my shit together? absurd, yet real as hell when un-faced.


Fear of being powerless

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear realizing me

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define self-realization as a singular moment

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear the normality/stability of things

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire power

i forgive myself that i have accpeted and allowed myself to fear being powerless, or unable to matter

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define power and thus support the idea of one over the other

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire pleasure, joy and happiness

i forgive myself that i hava accepted and allowed myself to fear rejection by things/beings who could give me pleasure, joy and/or happiness

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself through viewing myself within and as 'the 3rd person'

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to defiene myself by defining the '3rd person' by that which i have done/endured/experienced

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within and as this '3rd person' as the voice which grew from all the expectations ever demanded of me

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within and as this '3rd person' as the voice which grew from everything i have ever expected or demanded of others

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the voice of expectations of others

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the way i handle objects in the physical

i forvive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to appear foolish in the physical

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to stand 'unaligned' within myself, as if turning away from the things i fear or make me uneasy

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that things seperate of me might hurt me

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to lock myself into believing that things seperat of me have to influence me

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blaim my surroundings, the worl, for the unpleasantnes i experience

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to paint/perceive my world as bad/rotten/evil/lost to justify my blaiming of it for my unpleasant experience

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define 'my life' as the choises i will make

i forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i am one, by trying to control myself through my oppinions instead of living it myself

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a person, a personality within and as me, and made him/me suffer

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a thought patter of opinions called 'Lauri'

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the patter on 'who i am' of consciousness as a fractal shape

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to confuse the 'life' of 'who i am' of consciousness with life as myself

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the stepping outside of 'who i am' of consciousness as 'solving everything' and 'becoming a savior'

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define 'being a savior' as one who would act on the behalf of all others, but himself

i forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the consiquence of such action/behavior would ultimately be supportive towards self-deceiption as it too is based on self-deception

i forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that we create not only the consiquences of our actions and thoughts, but also the state of being they were made in

i forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize self-honesty, as being honest with that which you are and want to do and experience with in and as equality and oneness

i forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that that which i am is me in total silence, and that which i make speak inside of me i create myself

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create justifications of continuing this self-created life from the past i have endured/experienced

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fill myself with knowledge&information through which i have 'given life' to myself as a mind system/persona/'life'

i forgive myself that i have accpeted and allowed myself to define self realization as a singular moment

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fears and oppinions, thus manifesting them the moment the 'who i am' created from it canno't handle the pressure of the energy they create and finds a justification to fulfill it's desires/wants/needs.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to to be unaware of my chest

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel pain in my chest

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of breathing with my whole body

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make things over epic

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to requirer epic things inorder to see point in life

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to flex my left leg and toes when thinking i have mave possibly made a mistake

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear the who i be as myself only when in the presence of my friends, cause then all judgements made would be towards the actuality of me

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to consider myself from any other perspective than from myself

i walk and breathe until this is done and i am me again

Fear of being alone

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that there is something wrong with my human physical body

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am separate from my human physical body, sort of 'hitching a ride' in the physical, and thus being inferior to it

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a path in time rather than a constant in the now

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify myself with my past in the now

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to find explanations for everything i see, expreience, encounter and feel

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to define everything i see, experience, encounter and feel

i forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if i define something within/as me i will continue to exist as that definition and that definition only

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear the undefined

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to view this world through knowledge and information

i forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the limitations of knowledge and information

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define my existance according to medical science, pshychology, physics, chemistry and philosophy (for this i need to be more spesific, which i am whenever a point comes up from my mind)

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use substances to achieve certain states of being instead of asking why i am unable to achieve these states as myself (for this i need to be spesific, which i am whenever i realize a relationship formation between me and any substance)


== 'Stepping beyond this lifetime' in the form of 'letting go' of friends.

Why do i need friends/friendships/relationships? Cause i feel 'alone'. i feel like i am alone in a sea of lost people, and i need to grab a hold onto some of them, form relationships by getting to know them and creating definations for self through memories shared, and thus feel a sense of 'connectedness' with them. Uups, i just defined a shitload of things that i must have before accepting and allowing myself to be me in the company of others. It is weird how only when i hold the idea of friendship/relationship within me i am able to see strangers. In the idea of someone being more to me than other i create strict rules on how and where i can feel 'home', 'safe', 'myself'... a feeling i will chase and search for from ouside thereafter.

== This into practicality (SF):

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seperate myself from others in defining friends, friendships and relatioships as people who i can be myself with

i forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if i define who i can be comfortable with i state that i cannot be comfortable with anyone else

i forgive myself that i have accpeted and allowed myself to think and believe that i am able to be myself only with people who i know and 'trust'

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define 'trust' as certain experiences having to happen between me and the being i 'trust'

i forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear showing myself and being vurnerable with beings that don't fill my self-defined criteria of trust

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to occupy myself with mindbullshit like 'missing someone' and 'the drama of saying goodbye' when facing change in a degree where i would not be the same person in the eyes of my 'friends'

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself to keep the relationships i have

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i require relationships to survive

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear loneliness

i forgive myself that i have accpeted and allowed myself to define myself and my life/existance through the people i am 'close to' and the people in my life

i forgive myself that i have accpeted and allowed myself to suppress myself with my 'friends' who are unable to express themselves

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to change myself to match the general mood present when with my 'friends'

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fake anything within myself to be seen as more favorable in the eyes of my 'friends' (with this i need to be spesific, which i am whenever i am about to be dishonest to myself with/because of my 'friends')

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge others

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to support the dishonesty of others by participating in conversations and actions taken in dishonesty

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being rude/a bad person for not participating in the dishonesty of others

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself for others

i forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that politeness doesnt really exist, but in reality is just support for the dishonesty of others (once more a more spesific point, which i need to handle step by step as dishonesties or desires to participate in dishonesties surface)

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what i am able to think is real in any way whatsoever

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to try and think what i should/need to do next

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a system of definations through which i calculate what i am able to do and what i am not able to do (a spesific point, which i do SF for each time i find myself creating pros or cons towards anything or anyone)

i forgive myself that i have accpeted and allowed myself to listen to the voice inside my head

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to the voice in my head, which is an interpolation of the system of definations which i myself have accepted and allowed myself to create, be and become

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear living/remaining here within every moment with in and as breath

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live through that which is not real and which knows nothing of life -- my thoughts and consciousness

i forgive myself that i have accpeted and allowed myself to take directions in my life which require me to rely on my thoughts and my consciousness and justifying this by me 'having to' do/be something/someone

i forgive myself that i have accpeted and allowed myself to distrust myself in the form of me thinking about the best course of action in every situation instead of me expressing myself unconditonally

i forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to support life, as who i am

i forgive myself that i have not accepted myself to trust life, as who i am

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and my expression by supressing it by analyzing it for mistakes i myself have defined

i forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself

each point is vast, and i need to most of all deal with them at the moment they come up...

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing self forgiveness outloud in the presence of others.


Fear of being gay

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being gay i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others will think i am gay i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to defien all expressions in existance in either 'feminine' or 'masculine' so that i would know which to stick with in order to be approved by the opposite sex i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself certain parts of my expression because i have defined them as being 'feminine' i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my joy, laughter, smile, movement and interests according to what is appropriate for a man i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself inorder to find a mate i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others can define me into something or someone who would be denied the things i have defined to be required for happiness i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to need and desire a mate i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself from the perspective of appearing favorable in the eyes of a potential mate


Natural Self-Expression

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to look for external ques on who i am i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire these ques/situations/actions taken by others/words spoken and heard to tell me if that which i am is acceptable or not i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself through the eyes of others as the actions they take and the words they speak reflected through my own self-created systems of judging experiences i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create desires for certain experiences and therefore accepted and allowed myself to create fears of 'missing out' on those experiences i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to act and apply according to these needs, desires and fears and thus creating only them and their fullfilments instead of experiencing them for myself

here i need to be spesific... what are these definitions or systems through which i judge myself and my existance?

i want to share, i want to be the center of attention from the perspective of insight and wisdom i want to have people like me i want to have people love me i want to have people show their love and liking towards me i want to have people be interested in me i want to help those around me i want to matter

in which

i fear that i wont be able to share my experience i fear that i will be ignored and seen as blind, superficial and stupid i fear that i wont be liked i fear that i wont be loved i fear that whatever is felt toward me or with me, it will be left unexpressed i fear solitude from this perspective i fear that people will be uninterested in me i fear that i will be ignored from this perspective as well i fear that me or my life or my words and actions wont matter

and thus i search ques to fullfil my desires and needs and prove my fears wrong, never realizing that this is self-creation

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to share my experiences with others i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define s 'succesful sharing' of my experience as influencing the other being i forgive myself that i have accpeted and allowed myself to fear influencing another being for feeling responsible when doing so i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire influencing another being becaus i would be responsible for the change made i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i wont be able to share my experiences i forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to let my sharing flow naturally as self-expression

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be seen as 'wise' and 'profound' and 'insightful' i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define 'wisdom', 'profoundness' and 'insightfulness' as 'good' qualities to have i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to search for ques to support the statment 'i am wise/profound/insightful' i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i wont be seen as 'wise', 'insightful' or 'profound' in the eyes of others i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my expression in trying to be 'wise', 'insightful' and 'profound' in defining the opposites thereof i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear taht i will be seen as 'ignorant', 'superficial', 'stupid' or 'blind' i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to control/supress my expression to avoid actions/words/thoughts i have defined as 'ignorant', 'superficial', 'stupid' and 'blind'

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to how much people like me i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the love i get from other people i forgive myself that i have acceoted and allowed myself to believe that i need to be defined in order to exsist in this world i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i need to be defined in order to create relationships in this world i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i need to have relationships in order to be happy/have meaning/experience things worthy of meaning/survive in this world i forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to love my self by being enought for myself unconditionally -- by being undefined

i forgive me that i have accepted and allowed myself to 'be hooked' on the expressions of 'caring' and 'love' that other people are able to give me i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to other people by wanting/needing/desiring these expressions to validate/make my existance happy/meaningful/'worth living' i forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to search/realize these 'fulfilments' from myself i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the 'base state' of me is passive/negative which only momentarily peaks due to the expressions of others/expressions with others i forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i am able to express my self in all the ways as self, as self-expression without the external stimulus i had tied the expression to hmmh, this in every moment, alot to face, but fun! As everything faced i am allowed to let go! i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i will be deprived from the expressions of others that i myself had 'hooked' myself to i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear solitude as a state where i would always remain passive/negative/meaningless because the external expressions would never give me a 'reason' to experience othervice i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being uninteresting i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being uninteresting as a state where i would never recieve the positive expressions i have defined as meters for the 'quality' of my life

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear meaninglesness i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to calculate meaning/meaninglesness through self-defined ques in my world and in others as experiences, actions taken bt me, actions i have had the premission to take, actions taken towards me, words spoken by me and words spoken to me i forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that most of the actions taken by me, actions i have had the premission to take, actions taken towards me, words spoken by me and words spoken to me have been equated through a similar system of fears/desires as mine and thus the interaction is not real, but rather an exchange of 'premissions' for beings to express themselves in certain ways


Separation and Self-Judgment

(taken from a forum member's writings)

I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe i need support from others I forgive myself for allowing myself to define myself to experiencing my physical world I forgive myself for allowing myself to judge my physical world in definitions and attachmnets according to fear of loss I forgive myself for allowing myself the desire to prove to one another, for allowing myself to desire helping another for my own satisfaction in order to accept myself I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that i cannot do something

I forgive myself for allowing myself for judging myself because i do not want to do something I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be a slave to referencing back to what i've done in knowledge as a point of feedback and reference when it is only me redefining myself according to what i perceive

I forgive myself for allowing myself in obligating, putting off, not wanting to move myself and believe that moving myself, applying self forgiveness is not real I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to put myself in a state of hopelessness, when it is my fear to take responsibility and push forward here for myself

I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe i need my thoughts in order to think I forgive myself for allowing myself to judge my life, myself here, to take the experiences here as what i remember and define myself according to needing these relationships I forgive myself for allowing myself to judge what i am writing as good and bad accoridng to how satisfied i am in pleasing others I forgive myself for allowing myself for judging myself for reliving reactions and knowledge and mind when i am not currently correcting myself in perfection I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear the future, to fear my inner desires in not being able to do something correctly, the way i want it

I forgive myself for allowing myself to have inner desires, to feed these inner desires by not being here and existing off mind constructs of polarity

I forgive myself for allowing myself to feel uneasy or useless because i do not have application of the sra I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear myself for allowing myself to give up, for believe i cannot support myself

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to see directly, clearly the statement of life as breath

I forgive myself for allowing myself to think in order to forgive myself

I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe i am forgiving myself

I forgive myself for allowing myself for believing in the mind and accessing the mind in order to retain feedback with a right or wrong, or aware stance of judging myself as this forgiveness process

I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear holding what is held back inside me, because i feel i do not have the capacity or ability to stop or continue with myself here

I forgive myself for allowing myself to constantly think about others in my relation to my process in order to be accepted, liked, or redeem my self righteousness, ego, personality, identity, in order to feed off my current self image as good looking, bad looking, annoying, smart, clear, loser, weak, alone, popular, sad, unforgiven

I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe i have not forgiven myself, for believing in many constructs that are actual constructs held in my mind that block my application of self forgiveness as the breath here as my current experience here as who i am.....

I forgive myself for allowing myself to place myself, my words, what i desire at the top in order to acheive what i desire to see, experience, and the opposite, not desiring -- because of desire.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to seperate myself in all these concepts in the mind, when i am missing who i am here, in the physical reality

I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe something needs to be done with my mind

I forgive myself for allowing myself to ddefiine myself according to my experience, judgments, thoughts, perceptions of not being good enough I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear losing track of things going by, by not taking advantage of them, desiring every moment

I forgive myself for allowing myself to seperate process from me.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to seperate others and what i have built as relationships to others like desteni, like the internet, like family, and everything i experience here as separate from me, meaning i do not take responsibility.

I forgive myself forallowing myself to believe in a polarity of self forgiveness

I forgive myself for allowing myself not to accept and embrace me here within and as breath and practical application

I forgive myself for allowing myself to create a spot inside me such as the future, i forgive myself for allowing myself to fear the future

I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear losing time, losing people, losing friends, losing the internet, losing myself in the future, and disconnection over something i believe is separate from me

I forgive myself for allowing myself to judge and view my self forgiveness as something to hold on to with value, feedback, and self image in memory

I forgive myself for allowing myself to define myself accoridng to another person, another place, thing, experience, substance, addiction, because i believe i am not content with who i am

I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that i need i drug to satisfy me


===I pitty myself... I see myself as this inocent child, who has endured more than one should...

now that I think about it, I have even gotten confirmation of this fact from my mom. Within

this, I see myself as wounded or crippled, but still willing to move and go on. Like a martyr I

sacrifice myself for something I don't even know. Interesting... Superior yet inferior or

inferior who compensates with superiority.

Stuff has happened, yes. But the important thing is to realize that it is I who is keeping me

chained to these events and memories.

Let yourself go... It is the only way you will be able to love yourself again.

I love you Lauri, I love me Everything is going to be ok.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my past as 'dramatic' and 'sad'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify me deserving more due to my past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be chained to my past, in the fear of not being a good person if I let go

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blaim myself for the things that have gone wrong in my past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blaim myself for loosing the people that I have lost

I forgive myself taht I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the feelings that I accepted and allowed myself to feel in the presence of those that I have lost

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the things I felt were of the beings I were with and not of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget sides of me that I had tied to the people that I have lost

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and forget sides of me that I had tied to certain places that I have left behind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define love as something seperate of myself.


COMPASSION:

I wonder if I have given up on compassion? I remember a time, when I used to be caring and

saying things that 'i knew people "needed" to be heard'. I want to love and care again... but it

has to start within and as me.

Be able to speak yourself, speak your tenderness... The process is not here to make us machines,

but to wake us up to the reality of things.

Love without reservation!

I forgive myself that I have accpted and allowed myself to fear myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself, as the question: How will other perceive me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself in the presence of others, thus making me retreat into that little room inside my head

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to litteraly petrify with fear when meeting other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bullshit myself into perceiving that my coldness toward people and my refusal to see myself in them is not a defence mechanism, but an overall 'hovering above' others and even myself... somehow

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to grow cynical of life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather be cynical of life than to learn to love what is here unconditionaly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear unconditionality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear unconditionality, as a fear of possible rejection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear unconditionality, as me not possibly getting the things I desire or perceive to deserve.


Letting myself just be:

No matter what I do, the main focus should be on how I do it. When thinking about the questions most present in my reality: How will I survive? Will I be able to make it? Will I be able to 'conquer myself'? Am I strong enough? Will I be able to change? Etc... I must look at the perspective I'm trying to find an answer from: Am I looking for a 'path' through which I'm able to prove to myself that I am able to do all that I have set out to do -- by this I mean events

in the form of questions such as: Have I done enough? What should I do to change/fix myself/the

world. Cause within these questions I am observing myself from a perspective of outer

definitions, or simply put: The mind. Who am I to single handedly decide that a path as a mind

created future projection has all the nessecary elements taken into concideration? How can I

define what actions lead to what consiquence and who am I to judge other/myself through this

system of definitions, values, perspetions, etc. The correct perspective I should be observing

is in the imediate now here which I reside within, and see if my actions are taken from a

correct starting point -- a starting point of me.

Surviving and making money is but an action -- within which I can be free or of systems. The

systemification starts at the moment I define anything of my work or myself through my work or

the money I make of it. If in the other hand I walk free while doing the nessecary things to

survive -- I am free to see my reality, my self and this world in any way I please. If I choose

to hang on to none, I can even see in quantum, if you will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed judgement within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed judgement within and as me in the form of a

question I ask in almost every moment: "Am I good enough?", by questioning my actions, my

direction, my beingness, my self.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to just be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my every move, action, breath, word and thought from the perspective of right and wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself by judging others and thus by setting standards for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself from the perspective of finding a mate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need/want/desire/require a mate to make my life and my experience thereor better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-forgiveness...


Painting my world as desperate:

There are alot of things that I enjoy: Foods, tastes, sensations, substances, experiences, emotions and thrills -- many others I am sure. I understand how empty the experiences are. They are illusions, which give me something for a moment, but ultimately make me chase myself through them by making me believe in the 'finer things in life'. What makes me desire 'finer things' in the first place? An escape. An escape of this 'hell hole of a world'... or atleast my perseption thereof. If I see my world as bleak or hopeless I am also able to find a justification for 'falling'. Falling in love, in the face of temptation... you name it. But ultimately within this loop I just torture myself with despair to accept and allow myself to escape to pleasure. The rougher the truth I escape -- the rougher the ways I escape with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself and my world as desperate and meaningless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my desperation as a justification to fall to which ever temptation is presented to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my desires to create desperation within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that only 'the finer things in life' are able to make my existance bareable.


Desire of being special:

This point I am the most ashamed of. To me it seems like all my efforts have been for an altruistic cause. To save, to proove, to make better, to fix... But in the end alot of it has been about the fact that if I were able to pull this off -- I would be, the one, saving, prooving, making better, fixing, etc... Within this I have also created a loop which will make sure each and every time that my attempts will end up in failure. I have tried to grow from a starting point of self-interest -- this I have justified by saying that my cause is just -- but no matter the justifications, my actions remained the same. Within this opens up a world of desires, fears, expectations, hopes -- which inevitably take me down in the face of any real change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need to be special

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a fraud for being of self-interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do things for others instead of myself from the perspective of: Me wanting to save everyone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do things for others instead of myself from the perspective of: Me wating to be praised by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live for the approval of others

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to do things for myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to do things as myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to walk this processs for myself as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to seem special in the eyes of the people I admire


Feeling angry in my job

(taken from a forum member's writings)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself by remaining in a job that I don’t like. On this point I’m the one fucking myself off here for accepting and allowing myself to do a job I don’t enjoy at all and that I find a chore and a burden.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry that I’m in the job I’m in.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being angry at myself for doing a job I don’t like but which pays my bills / which gives me a living wage.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be in a job which sometimes throws up very uncomfortable situations – like patients nearly dying unexpectedly, like us having to treat people who are so sick already, like us being expected to carry on with the next patient straight after the former one or even to overlap treatment to speed up lists – all which stresses me out and makes me feel angry BUT which I’m expected to accept and to not to show to the patient nor those around me whom I’m working with. Yes, this does compromise me.

I direct myself to not suppress my feelings but not to be directed by them either.

I direct myself to accept that for now I’m in a job I don’t like doing and to look to decide whether to put up with it or to actively look to do something else – which might require training.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be concerned what certain colleagues think of me – strangely enough it’s the very ones I shouldn’t give a shit about what they think about me because they are the gossips. I see the silliness of this one in just writing it out - .

I direct myself not to be concerned at all what the gossips think of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get flustered when I am the subject of the joke – even when it’s said without malice. It depends on who the joker is. This happened on Friday. I now see that most of the time the joke isn’t about me and that when it isn’t I don’t put the joker off but I don’t participate either unless the person isn’t there. But on Friday I didn’t put the joker off either – I just seethed inside. That compromised me.

I direct myself to say when a joke on me is annoying me and is making me feel uncomfortable – rather than compromise myself by living in that situation.

I direct myself to say to the joker, when the joke isn’t on me, that the subject might be feeling uncomfortable about the situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel annoyed in working in an environment I consider not to be for all equally – which favours only a section of the world and which favours some workers and bosses more than others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent the “target culture” of the organisation that I work in.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to work in an environment of unfair pay in which I resent the inequality of reward / pay that different groups of workers get for their work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent the bosses getting bonuses.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent the executives / board members getting not just bigger bonuses still than the lower and middle management but getting massively disproportionate salaries anyway.

I direct myself not to suppress or deny or put aside or forget my anger / resentment on disproportional / unfair pay within my organisation and country but to breathe through it for now – and to look to see what I can do in self-expression.


Getting Sick

(taken from a forum member's writings)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to believe we can get sick and die I forgive myself taht I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about getting sick I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the idea of people getting sick I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the idea that I can get sick that I bought into that idea that was programed into us to create fear and enslavement

I forgive myself that I let the mind tell me that I do not want to do self forgiveness I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my self to not stand up more often and do the self forgiveness that is required for me to do to release the mcs pattering that I have accept and allowed I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to not stand up to the mind in these matters of doing self forgiveness

I forgive myself taht I have accepted and allow myself to not push myself through the resistance I have to write my book

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another's illness for fear of looking and seeing my own. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge an other when they get sick because I think them as weak if they get sick

I forgive myself that I have accept and allowed myself to judge myself as weak I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as weak and stupid when it is the mcs that has duped us into believing these things and it is not who we are I forgive myself for all the times that I have judged another as being weak and became angry at them, thus only to hide my own fear that I believe the same way. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry this false image of myself as being "strong" from the very starting point of being afraid of my own weakness.

Oh My how I have judged others and their weakness! Only to cover up the weakness that I felt inside of myself about myself...

I forgive myself that I have accept myself to fear being weak I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed being "weak" as a failure of a human life. I forgive myself that I have feared being a failure.

What is a failure???? hmm I will look it up

Quote: 1. The condition or fact of not achieving the desired end or ends: the failure of an experiment. 2. One that fails: a failure at one's career. 3. The condition or fact of being insufficient or falling short: a crop failure. 4. A cessation of proper functioning or performance: a power failure. 5. Nonperformance of what is requested or expected; omission: failure to report a change of address. 6. The act or fact of failing to pass a course, test, or assignment. 7. A decline in strength or effectiveness. 8. The act or fact of becoming bankrupt or insolvent.


Hmmm so what to I fear failing at?

Everything I do! What a stupid fear!!

It is a judgment against myself that I am not good enough... Not Good enough at what? Less than... Less than what! ?

Self comparison

compare to what ?!

I STOP this comparison!

This is a ridiculous con-sept !! A con that we have accepted! WE have been lied to and made to believe that there are others better than ourselfs to we will allways be striving to be "something" better and we dont even know what that would be because there is NO END to it!

Thus we stay in constant separation and never get to Know OUR SELF.

A CON of Perception

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this con is real I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge me in comparison to another


Fear of not being good enough

(taken from a forum member's writings)

I , from a feeling of not being good enough, also do stuff to portray myself as strong, self confident, cool, etc.

so other beings may see this and think i am all of that

but: i need them to experience me in that way, without their judgement, i am nothing, i feel worthless

-->i look at my dad in this, he compared me with everyone when i was a child and so i continued doing that

i look at others to see what i have to do or say, to know what my expression must look like because appearantly mine isn t good enough

also i write what i think others will like to read, stuff like that or is it what i would like to read?


i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to answer in my expression to what others would like me to be or do without even considering the possibility that nobody sets standards for me but me out of fear of not being good enough

i forgive myself for accepting and allowingmyself to believe that it is others that do not find me good enough

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowingmyself to realise that the only reason why i don t find me good enough or why i feel like i m not good enough is because i try to be someone i m not

i forgiv emyself for not accepting and allowingmyself to realise that it is impossible for me as life to want to be like someone else because i am one and equal to everyone

i forgive myself for not acceptingand allowingmyself to realise that aslong as i dont accept who i am completely as different from other people, though one and equal, i will never be good enough

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowingmyself to realise that not being good enough is just a thought and a feeling as a memory that i stored in my mind as my mind due to reactions i allowed myself to experience towards past events

i am here

it s impossible to be somewhere else - thus it s impossible to be someone else

i am breath

it is impossible to be something else

in oneness and equality i am.


Depression

(taken from a forum member's writings)


I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that depression exists.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that when I'm depressed, depression becomes who I am and what I am.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to want to blame my depression on everyone and everything else.

I forgive myself that I havn't allowed myself to realize that depression is actually the body trying to have me realize that THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG and that I am AFRAID of doing something 'too big' or 'too major' about it.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear doing something 'too big' or 'too major', and fearing that I may elicit too much attention and end up being an outcast in this society.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become depressed because of how depressed my friend is.


My idea of meaning

(taken from a forum member's writings)

I just realized today that I've been unaware that the primary reason I have thoughts is because through thoughts I experience the perception that myself and the world around me is something more than what myself and the world already is - thoughts make me feel alive and give me the perception of meaning and reason to exist.

meaning, I've defined life and living according to consciousness - or thought, through which I am able to form ideas about the meaning and reason of my existence - and without thoughts, I am not alive - I do not 'mean' anything - and without projecting my thoughts onto the world around me, the world is not alive and the world does not 'mean' anything.

therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define life and living as having a meaning and reason to live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my idea of meaning and reason to exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to form ideas through thoughts, of who I am and what I mean, instead of realizing that I am here, alive, and therefore common sense is that breathing and being here in the physical is enough

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I have ideas about myself and the world, I can hide in them to justify not taking responsibility for what is here, myself

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that thoughts, ideas and definitions of myself exist within the perception of time as movement, and are therefore not self movement - as self movement is here as myself in the physical in the moment of breath.


Self-Forgiveness on Veno's Structural Resonance Documents - 'The wrist'

16) Wrist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a slave.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to look at humanity beyond the enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, experience, perceive and believe myself to be inferior for ever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, believe, perceive and experience myself to be controlled by something outside of myself, I have no control, I am pawn, I am slave to this existence.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise myself as self control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust and rely on a source that would control me in the right way outside of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am trapped in a cage where there is no way out.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to open the door of the cage and get out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my mind out of fear of losing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am the mind and nothing else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by seeking and searching for the ultimate answer that is going to solve all the problems of my existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search and seek a purpose in my life for which I can exist.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to be content with life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for a purpose outside of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep looking outside instead of realising what I am already.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to be worthy towards other human beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need a reason to exist in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am of no importance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am of no worth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to follow a path to become someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to "survive" in this world by looking for the ultimate answer, reason purpose of like, making myself be of worth and importance because I perceive myself not to be of that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot understand and comprehend anything in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself to be inferior and apparently not having the ability to understand or comprehend anything that exist and must follow journeys and paths to "become" something. And thus I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to seek and look and trying to gain purpose to 'understand' reason, to 'feel’ special and to attain some 'higher' importance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to attaint something of a higher importance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the world the way it is and just live with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, perceive, believe and experience myself as if there is nothing that I can do to change this, world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, see, experience, perceive myself to be nothing and no one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to make sense out of everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, believe, perceive, and experience myself as if I cannot live in a world without a sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting and looking, searching for answers (outside) of myself to give myself purpose and meaning in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form and develop perceptions and beliefs to the reason and purpose of man's existence on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame everything on “our creator".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conform and condition myself to that which is acceptable and allowed in this world and that which is not acceptable and allowed in this world.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to condition and conform to that which already exists here on earth.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to condition and conform myself to that which is 'safe' and that has already been 'tested' and 'tried' by others that have gone before me.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed and accepted myself to completely break free from all and challenge all that exist. I forgive myself that I haven't allowed and accepted myself to challenge all that I've ever known.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed and accepted myself to break free from all I've ever known.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed and accepted myself to challenge all I've ever trusted.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed and accepted myself to break free from all I've ever trusted.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to remain within that which has been laid out before me by those that have gone before me that was of consciousness enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am inferior and finite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed and accepted myself to believe and perceive myself to exist within a seemingly vast existence separate from all within and of existence, with dimensional beings 'more profound and great in knowledge and wisdom' than Man.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and perceive dimensional beings to be some sort of “gods” that need to be “worshipped”.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to follow the conditionings and conformities of existence.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to create a god and participate in spiritualities, because I perceive myself to have no answers, ability or power or anything within existence as one with what I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “worship” the dimensional beings, perceiving them to be greater and profound.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to perceive myself not having answers, abilities, power or anything within existence as one with who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain in the search for answers and the hope of a solution to this world and myself.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed and accepted myself to realise that each human being in this world is responsible for all as one and must stand up, must wake up, must live and apply who they are in every moment.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stand up, wake up, live and apply who I am in every moment.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to give up and let go of all that I've ever know and trusted within and of this world and myself to see, hear and realise myself as who I really am.


Self-Pity

(taken from a forum member's writings)

If someone I knew would suddenly get ill and want to share their entire process of being ill with me, why would that irritate me? If I were to be very ill, why would I want for others to know how bad I am doing??

It reminds me of people that break up and just can’t stop whining about how terrible it is for them that they lost the one they loved.

It’s the same pattern and in both cases I’d get irritated.

Maybe it’s about self-pity. Instead of realising that what they did, they manifested themselves through acceptance and allowance, they go into self-pity and want for others to suport that in feeling sorry for them, so they do not have to stand up and take self-responsability.

So, I’m then in fact irritated with myself when I go into self-pity and go to other people talk about all the terrible things happening to me so they would feel sorry for me so I don’t have to stand up for me.

Also, if I were to be ill and want to share that with others, it would be because I would want them to feel bad as well. I would believe that they do not deserve to be living a happy life when I’m being ill and suffering and all. I would want them to suffer as I’m suffering, muahaha.

And indeed, in receiving all this information of someone being very sick, I would be irritated and feel as if I’m now not allowed to enjoy myself because of this friend suffering, believing it is then unappropriate to enjoy myself and go into guilt if I would be enjoying myself. I would then be irritated and angry with the friend for wanting to make me feel bad - when, like I said, I would do the same thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to - when something is bothering me - go into self-pity instead of taking a good look at what’s bothering me and why and stand up for me taking self-responsability to stop everything that is not who I am to exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to - when something is bothering me - to want to go and talk about it to others so they feel sorry for me so they can suport my self-pity, preventing me to stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want for others to suport my self-dishonesty as self-pity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather go wrap myself in self-pity and do nothing at all, than realise that what I am experiecing is what I manifested through my acceptances and allowances and that thus I am able to stop it as well.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that if a sick person would want to share everything about this sickness with me, I would do the exact same thing and because I would not see how I want others to feel sorry for myself to suport my self-pity to not stand up for me, I would see it in that person and then I would accept and allow myself to become angry, irritated and frustrated, because I would do the exact same thing.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I do the exact same thing as beings who break up and go talk about it to everyone and because I do not see my want for others to feel sorry for me to suport my self-pity to not stand up and take self-responsability in myself, I see it in these other beings, and then i accept and allow myself to become angry, irritated and frustrated, because I do the exact same thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to - when breaking up with a person - go whine about it with everyone I know with every opportunity I get so they would feel sorry for me and suport my self-pity instead of me standing up in myself and realising that it was self-dishonest to start a relationship with a being separate from me in the first place.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to relise that if a sick person would want to share everything about this sickness with me, I woul do the exact same thing and because I would not see how I would want others to feel bad the way I feel bad and suffer the way I suffer, I would see it in that person and then i would accept and allow myself to become angry, irritated and frustrated, because i would do the exact same thing.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to relise that i do the exact same thing as beings who break up and go talk about it to everyone and because I do not see my want for others to feel as bad and down as me, my want for them to suffer as I am suffering, I see it in these other beings, and then i accept and allow myself to become angry, irritated and frustrated, because I do the exact same thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to - when breaking up with a person - go whine about it with everyone I know with every opportunity I get so they would feel as bad as I am feeling and suffer the way that i am suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I suffer, no-one else deserves to enjoy themselves anymore and should all suffer as I am suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be alone in suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others do not care about me suffering.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that all suffering is self-inflicted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if a friend of mine is suffering, I must suffer as well and am no longer allowed to enjoy myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with myself for believing that I must suffer if someone else suffers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather turn away when someone is suffering to not see what is currently busy manifesting in this world and how I am allowing it to happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make me suffer.


Reactions towards father

I´m writing myself Here, as the opportunity opened up within me, as I look within me and towards the world around me:

Self-forgiveness on reactions as thoughts toward my father’s statement: “I would be better if I was alone/only by myself”, when I am with him, helping him.

Questions: 1.Why would I react immediately in thoughts emerging within me toward my father’s statement: “I would be better if I was alone/only by myself”, when I am with him, helping him? 2.What does my father’s statement: “I would be better if I was alone/only by myself” be indicative of regarding my current presence in that specific moment? 3.What kind of emotions, beliefs and perceptions rise up within me after that particular moment?

Responses: 1.Why would I react immediately in thoughts emerging within me toward my father’s statement: “I would be better if I was alone/only by myself”, when I am with him, helping him?

The reaction occurring within me seems natural in that moment since the rigid tonality and roughness in my father´s voice when he state “I would be better if I was alone/only by myself”, giving me the impression/perception that there is nothing more that I can do to help him with, and probable the best to do is stay shut/silent and/or leave from his presence. (Note: My father is a constructor, building houses and other works, so much so that his tone of voice is rough and heavy, typical of the person that my father is and has to be in his profession.)

I realize that my reaction as thoughts emerging within me is not natural but actually is showing that I am not being self-honesty in that situation, even though the rigid tonality in my father´s voice. This reaction shows that I am taking his statement personally revealing that my relation with my father is dishonest in some aspect. The impression/perception that “there is nothing more that I can do to help him with and probable the best to do is stay shut/silent and/or leave from his presence” is based on the fact that my mind is in reactive-resistance towards his statement and thus not really focused in the work being done such as helping him with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to immediately react in thoughts/physical expressed actions towards my father statements.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowing myself to see that the reaction as thoughts emerging within me in that moment is not natural even though his rigid tonality of voice and that I`m reacting because I am taking my father’s statements personally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for taking my father’s statements personally which reveals that I have defined myself according to my father’s words/tone of voice towards me.

I forgive myself for accepting myself to be dishonest with my father for allowing myself to react towards his statement, as I perceive it to be a personal “attack”/“wake up call”;

I forgive myself for accepting myself to perceive my reaction in that moment as natural and let myself to fall in a turbulence of thoughts that rise within me, instead of stopping myself and don’t allow myself to react towards my father’s statement/breath through the reaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall into a reactive-resistance towards his statement that leaves me with the impression/perception that “there is nothing more that I can do to help him with and probable the best to do is stay shut/silent and/or leave from his presence”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall into a reactive-resistance as physical expressed actions/emerging of thoughts within me, instead of breathing through the moment and just focusing on the work being done.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowing myself to realize that the impression/perception that “there is nothing more that I can do to help him with and probable the best to do is stay shut/silent and/or leave from his presence” is in fact a excuse/justification to not take responsibility for myself in that moment and honestly direct myself according to what is to be done – such as helping him with.

Understanding/Realisation: Immediately after my father state: “I would be better if I was alone/only by myself” I “fall in” a turbulence of thoughts that rise within me caused by the fact that I am placing my worth and value dependent on my father`s opinion about myself – and as a result my mind goes in a defense mechanism as the reactive-resistance towards his words. I realize that I am being self dishonest by wanting to make myself look worthy and of value “in my father’s eyes” by helping him in such moments when I am with him, this being the actual reason why I take his statements personally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in a turbulence of thoughts that rise within me after my father state: “I would be better if I was alone/only by myself” – caused by the fact that I am placing my worth and value dependent in my father`s opinion about myself;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my worth and value dependent on my father`s opinion;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for taking my father’s statements personally, which reveals my self-definition as worth and value according to my father’s opinion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “fall in” a turbulence of thoughts that rise within me as a reactive-resistance towards my father’s specific words and tonality of voice, instead of taking self-honest self-discipline and directing myself in the moment.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to take self-honest self-discipline in the moment I see a reaction within me – breathing through the reaction and with self-responsibility, directing myself according to what is to be done.


Memories

Self-forgiveness on memories of the past:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the nature of the memories of my past that I have repressed because of the shame/guilt/regret to have to face them;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as “who I Am” as the nature of my past experiences that I try to hide from myself, and within that, not actually realize that I have been living in time loops since then;

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be trapped in time as the very essence of me, within memories that are repressed within me, and continuously reliving that very experiences that keep me in separation of myself;

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to Abuse myself because of the shame/guilt/regret of memories inside myself to which I try to compensate by not Really Live, afraid of what others may think if they actually know what I have repressed within me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to separate myself from my memories

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to ignore memories

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear memories

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to recreate myself over and over based on my memories

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to repress myself as the memories that exist within me as repressed energetic movements

I forgive myself and stop myself from participating in any and all thoughts emotions and feelings that come up with memories, stopping my accepted and allowed existence as the beingness of me as memories

I realize and transcend memories in the moment as myself with absolute self honest self forgiveness, breathing, I remain.

I forgive myself that I have allowed the nature of myself as “who I am” as the memories of the past to have power over me.

I stop my systematic existence as what I have become to exist as memories, realizing that who I am is here, in the moment within and as breath.

Consciousness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the mind system reality/unified field, of knowledge and information, comparing, judging and defining everything and everyone and separating all within/as myself from myself;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use knowledge and information in separation from myself;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create my reality by defining everything as good or bad, and acting out on self-interest wanting good things from my life to be something more than I really am, this actually demonstrating the inferiority existing within me towards the good things I want/desire to achieve that I judge separate from me;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed wants, needs and desires within myself only from the starting point of self- interest, not considering what is best for all;

I forgive myself that I haven’t considered what is best for all in my life;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the systematic cycles of beginning and end within the fear of death as end of consciousness;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and continuously experienced myself, in “time loops”, as manifested regret within the now of consciousness;

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to understand that the illusion of choice/free will only exist as a systematic manifestation of the mind furthering the separation between consequence and self-expression;

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I live in a self created, self manifested reality, which is an illusion of the mind where our deluded continuous and constant participation only furthermore the separation between consequence and self-expression;

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to understand that life itself reflects us within the experiences of our systematic existence;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be driven by consciousness instead of being Here within awareness;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be impelled by self-interest, instead of standing up as life equal.

Procrastination

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate towards household tasks that I normally define as boring;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give preference to tasks that I like to do and in contrast creating all kind of reasons, excuses and justifications to procrastinate about other tasks that I define as boring;

I forgive myself for allowing myself to give in to the mind and procrastinate about tasks, accepting myself to define them as boring and arduous;

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that reasons, excuses and justifications are constructs that I generate of the mind;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate particular tasks that I define as boring and arduous by generating a resistance towards them as reasons, excuses or justifications, instead of directing the tasks in the moment;

I forgive myself for allowing myself to procrastinate, allowing myself to time loop until I get once more to the same point of actually directing myself and my world;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give in to the mind with reasons, excuses and justifications instead of directing myself in the physical practically doing what has to be done;

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that procrastination is of waiting and of hoping for a better circumstance in the future;

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize the simplicity of self here, moving myself and directing my world accordingly to what as to be done in the moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate about household tasks that I define as non important/boring/tough;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my choice to postpone household tasks over the practicality of the moment they come up;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create resistance to household tasks;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to back chat in my mind about the non importance/boringness/toughness of household tasks;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for don’t take responsibility to household tasks and in my life;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I am not able to take responsibility in my life;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to back chat in my mind about the fact that I am not taking responsibility in my life;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cause discontentment to my parents by the fact that I am not taking responsibility in my life;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not participate in what is real;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into ego when I have to participate in what is real;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to back chat in my mind with reasons, excuses and justifications when I have to participate in what is real;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for waiting and hoping for better circumstances in the future when I have to participate in what is real.


Energetic Friction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within/as polarities of the mind, within feelings and emotions;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and continuously wanting/needing/desiring to be/achieve/feel something such as good/happiness/joy and within that experiencing the bad/sadness/frustration polarity of the mind that keeps me in separation from myself;

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fuel the mind within energetic frictions trough manifesting feelings and emotions;

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to participate in the mind creating definitions of “good and bad”;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself as the mind creating definitions of “good and bad”, furthering the separation from myself as who I really am;

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that Life is not of good/bad polarity definitions by comparing, judging and separating everything from myself;

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that Life is here living equality with all as one.


Knowledge and Information

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live/act within the starting point of knowledge and information, instead of being here, within/as breath doing what as to be done practically;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live/act within the starting point of a belief system, with all kinds of rules and systems that keep me in separation from myself here, within/as breath;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to knowledge and information, considering it more than myself, instead of realizing myself here equal and one with myself;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to backchat all kinds of thoughts and ideas that I consider of great importance, and disregarding completely my physical reality;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself in separation of myself Here, by constantly seeking and searching for more knowledge and information that I consider more than myself;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only understand knowledge and information as concepts, ideas, definitions separate from myself, instead of realizing knowledge and information as one, as equal, as myself Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always seeking and searching for the intricacies and the complexities from the point of view of understanding knowledge and information, instead of self-realize the simplicity of breath here applying knowledge and information as self practically in my reality.


Self-Realization

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that Life is here living self-forgiveness in equality with all as one;

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that Life is here living self-forgiveness in self-honesty;

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that Life is here giving self back to self, living self-forgiveness in self-honesty;

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that Life is here giving self back to self, living self-forgiveness, breathing in and out, expressing self-honesty;

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that Life is here breathing in and out the expression of the physical;

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that Life is here breathing in and out the physical expression of self trust;

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that Life is here breathing in and out the physical expression of equality with all as one.


Mind Movement Addiction

I have been pushing myself in the point of “keeping things for later” when facing reality Where I usually go to the mind when participating in what is real, instead of putting my focus and attention in the moment:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the mind when something come up that I have to do;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep for later something that I have to do;

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that when I keep for later something that I have to do, like household tasks, I am actually postpone that something in a systematic behavior;

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that going into the mind when something come up that I have to do, is an actual addiction to a behavior that cannot support change as self-movement in my habitual systematic activities;

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that going into the mind is a manner to create reasons, justifications to keep for later something that I have to do;

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that going into the mind when something come up that I have to do, is actually an addiction that I developed to keep myself from taking responsibility and participate in what is real;

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that keeping something for later is just an excuse for the building up of this systematic behavior of mind-movement, a system that will compound and eventually be my addiction, my required “spirit” from witch I will move myself;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to a systematic behavior of postpone for later something that I have to do, always requiring a system build up, an addiction, because the truth is that I have tied myself to a self created comfort zone with my habitual systematic activities, that cannot support self-movement;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stick in a comfort zone with my habitual systematic activities, where I can “feel” safe and protected, when I am actually only bonding myself to a “bubble” that prevents myself from participate in what is real.


Stres into physical tiredness

I have been accumulating some stress in form of physical tiredness based on the fact that I am not been able to support myself in stopping my thoughts and stabilizing myself. This situation has compounded in the last weeks where I have been blaming myself for my situation, where I am trying to get a job for some time now, and also have been secluding myself from reality a bit.

From a certain perspective, I found time to read Desteni material but slowly I had permitted some depressive thoughts to circulate my mind, which seems at this moment very difficult to direct and to correct my practical activities in my life. And here I mean also what relates with friends and other people in my life, because by the fact that I am unemployed I see myself as someone who isn’t fitting in society and also I am blaming myself for being lazy in taking responsibility for my life and direct myself appropriately in getting a job. So, I have allowed myself to compound some stress that I thought I could handle:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I could handle with some stress and giving permission to depressive thoughts to circulate my mind;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed depressive thoughts to circulate my mind, has a reaction to the fact that I hadn’t been able to find a job;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself has someone who isn’t fitting in society, and blaming myself for being lazy in directing myself in getting a job;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seclude myself from my friends and others in my life;

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to apply myself effectively to stop such thoughts when they starter to compound as stress that I thought I could handle;

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see that my depressive thoughts have been compounding in moments of anger and frustration towards myself;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in to anger and frustration;

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to direct myself and my life in a better direction, and allowed myself to be in a situation of seclusion and blame towards myself;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for everything that happens in my life, because of the high expectations that I have placed before me;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create high expectations that I have placed before me, such as finding a nice job, cool friend’s relationships, girlfriend, emphasising the want to be in a relationship;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create high expectations that I have placed before me, and hadn’t been properly directing myself to them as self responsibility, but always has a wanting , and a desire that has created only anger and frustration


Meditation to calm myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dependent on meditation as a way to be more calm and more focused in myself and disregarding practically my physical reality;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea of calmness that I consider to be more than the physical reality, trying to attain for something such as peace of mind even when I am aware of my self deception regarding my current reality;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push myself in attaining states of mind that I have considered to be of great importance, but nonetheless suppressing myself in belief systems of right and wrong, and constantly judging others for their habits or behavior;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep a back chat running in my head even knowing that these thoughts are really annoying, repetitive and practically ineffective and useless;

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to put an end to the running thoughts in my mind in every moment, but always permit the back chat to the extent of physical tiredness;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to attain some kind of inner realization but nonetheless accepting dishonesty in my practical reality to the extent of disregard other people`s support in sorting my life;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use meditation to calm myself as a way to escape and hide from the problems that come about in my life;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself by trying to use meditation to make real my convictions and momentary beliefs of righteousness, when the truth is that I am suppressing parts of myself that are telling me the exact opposite.


Avoiding communication

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep a backchat specially in moments with others, where I place myself in a tension stance and want to get away of the place, just to avoid communication/speaking because I fear what others may think of myself;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself according to mind reactions, like wanting to get away or avoiding communication with another person in moments, when I see that I possible may face what I think others think of myself;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create mind relations with others based on the ideas of what I think of them and what I think others think of myself, because that’s the way I accepted myself to relate with others;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build up mind backchats towards specific females when I perceive that it could be a possibility to have a relationship with that someone, where I immediately perceive the difficulty that I have in communication with that someone and nonetheless I keep myself between this two points of “possibility to relationship” and “difficulty in communication” with the person, in balance, just to avoid to face the person as myself, and keeping myself in hope of possibility to be in a relationship;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep feeding on the desire to be in a relationship and considering myself that I am less than what I could be if I was in a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can’t communicate normally with other people; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am different from others; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that I have a higher purpose for my life; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that I am more than others; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted the support that is given to me from my parents; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility and direction to my life, in the way my parents would like; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cause troubles to my parents; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am special; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others for their flaws; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard other people because of my perceived opinion about them; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only trust in some friends towards I can allow myself to speak more openly and closely; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my communication to certain ideas that I had conceived in my mind and express them as something of great meaning; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my communication with others to preconceived ideas; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create boundaries in topics that I chat with friends, so that I can see the conversation in my mind and define it as a cool, helpful, and positive conversation; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reduce communication to a stream of ideas that appear in my mind; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as someone who doesn’t speak much;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself isolated from others; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that what I consider to speak is inadequate; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not pay attention to others`s experiences; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others have no troubles in their lives and I am the person who more needs to be supported; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept others`s support as natural and taken for granted; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a distorted view of the difficulties of others, such as of minimal importance, compared to my life;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to close my eyes to the problems that appear in my life; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed for my present conditions in my life; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build up hope towards the possibility of being in a relationship in the future with certain specific females; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that is my present conditioning in my life that prevents me from establish a relationship with a female, and I forgive myself to setting this statement as an excuse to avoid communication with others when it comes to the possibility of facing myself in this matters, and possibly realize that it´s all constructs that I have build and believed to be “who I am” here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassment with the presence of other people; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build up resistances towards my mother statements and requests; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorrow for my mother and criticize my mother to the point of not realizing that none of these views are of any good to support ourselves practically at home; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel rushed/hurried with tasks that I have at hands;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lazy in waking up at morning; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to recreate my day before I get out of bed; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for a reason for getting out of bed in the morning; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think in sentences of self-forgiveness as simple reaction when I see myself lost in my thoughts; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to review in my mind my daily tasks so that I can evaluate the day as good or bad according to the number of things done;

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to give my power away to knowledge, forgetting about the actual reason and starting point as self, as all as one; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form an inner turmoil, when my mother speaks to me; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that all my mother`s suggestions are questionable; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself as inadequate to live in society;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in panic towards the possibility of facing other people; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow suggestions that emerge in my conscious mind in abdication of self stability and self direction; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard my older sister.


Judging people who drink alcohol

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my mother`s suggestions are doubtful for practical application, instead of realizing that I must stop the blind view over my mother and see beyond the judging and doubt the practicality of my actions;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in a backchat dialogue every time I watch people drinking beer or wine, such as my father or my friends, where I start to build up antipathy towards them, instead of stopping such thoughts of disgust and recrimination; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and recriminate others for their consumption of alcohol;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can’t release myself from the guilt that I feel for my present circumstances, where I permit myself to be moved by the regret and anger of my past actions, instead of letting go of this feelings of self recrimination and self pity and commit myself towards real solutions that can be found in my life through self direction, breathing, giving myself the opportunity of releasing me from my past actions;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to others with my mind whereby I react towards the words listen as my mind picture them, instead of listen with my ears without mind interference, and don’t allow any kind of reaction towards words like judging, fears, annoyances, spitefulness. I understand and realize that every time I hear words spoken that triggers some kind of reaction like judging, fears, annoyances, spitefulness, I am perceive them with my mind that creates all kinds of misperceptions based on inner conceptions. I stop my mind and allow myself to hear with my ears the sound of words that are really spoken;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider people as an idea that I build in my mind with a set of characteristics, likes and dislikes, and ignoring that these idealisms of people are only used to fuel my mind with spitefulness towards the dislikes or/and with emotional movements towards the likes. I stop myself to build such perceptions, and even though I may momentary see the person and their actions as good or bad I will push myself towards the realization that is just from a mind perspective and a perception and I will not accept and allow spitefulness to justify my relation with no one in my life;

I see myself thinking, I stop my mind; I see myself blaming myself, I breathe and stabilize myself, stopping such thoughts; I see myself experience consequences of any kind, I walk through the moments without building displeasure or anger; I see myself feeling like I have lose my constancy and stability, I breathe remaining here, don’t accepting and allowing myself to participate in the mind of thoughts feelings and emotions and just breathe through these moments;


Feeling of powerlessness define me

I forgive myself for accepting the belief that thoughts/feelings/emotions could overpower me as Existence. In spite that Existence is what is upholding the creation of them as well as everything else.

I forgive myself for allowing thoughts/feelings/emotions to be in control of my creation

I forgive myself for allowing me as Existence to step down and allow thoughts to control me at the most crucial points.

I forgive myself that I allowed myself not to trust in my power to direct thoughts/emotions feelings yet.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to harbour the belief that all things are separate from me.

I forgive myself for allowing the feeling of powerlessness to define me.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to speak without clearing all thoughts in my mind.

I forgive myself for speaking compulsively to ‘keep a human programmed-ego entertained.’

I forgive myself for identifying with the fear that arises when I literally amalgamate with the Physical in awareness.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to feel ‘less than’ my thoughts so to ‘step away’ for my thought to act.


Music

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that making ‘great’ music requires trying to be something more than who I am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the dream fantasy of being popular because I make great music, and allowing and accepting ‘feeling less than’ until I achieve this dream fantasy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself neglecting the breath when I play music. Simply put, if I am not aware of your breathing (or lack of), I am not directing yourself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the separation I create between me and heartfelt music when I listen to heartfelt music.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the habit of placing ‘great’ musicians ‘on a pedestal’ whenever I listen to them, such that I feel powerless and helpless to create heartfelt music of my own.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that only ‘special’ men/women with ‘musical gifts’ may create heartfelt music. Every human being has a feeling heart. (I’m a fool for once believing this)


Stimulation/Desteni Process

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the constant desire for stimulation, through the internet, watching TV shows, jacking off, and exercise.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting attachment/identification with fear when I am stimulated less and less, as a result of directing me as Life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that results are what matters the most, and not the process. When common sense dictates that on a practical scale, the process is what I need to focus on to achieve/maintain a result. (Silly me)

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting identification with the feeling of complacency when I progress further into living every moment as me, as the breath. The goal is the process, not the result.


Eyesight and seeing

(as in with seeing physical objects)

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I can not physically see distant objects clearly.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the fear of seeing distant objects clearly, such as other people’s expressions on their face.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that people I have not conversed with are ‘strange’, and are ‘strangers’.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the fear associated with making eye-contact with people I have not met before.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the fear of witnessing other people’s reactions toward me if I make eye-contact.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I can not see distant text clearly. I can if I relax, breathe, move, and blink.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the habit of keeping my body still. To keep the body still (while alive), induces stress and strain in my body, including my eyes.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that distant objects themselves are blurry. It is because of interfering with my eye’s nature, through allowed and accepted stress, that I cannot see distant objects clearly.


Boredom/Frustration

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the feeling of boredom whenever I do homework/revision after a certain amount of time.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the feeling of time as ‘dragging along’, whenever I attach to the feeling of boredom. The sense of time is up to me to direct, and not feelings of boredom.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing boredom to temporarily direct me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the separation between interesting and boring things. All is equal, including interest and boredom. To participate in interest and boredom is to participate in separation.

I forgive myself for attaching to feelings of boredom in the event of homework or revision.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the excuse of having homework or revision as an excuse/justification to be bored.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that homework and revision is ‘not worthy’ of my participation or time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that homework and revision is not one and equal with me.

I forgive myself for ever accepting and allowing boredom to develop into restlessness and frustration, and attach to those feelings.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting a familiar situation to be a justification for boredom, such as sitting down to revise school subjects.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that revision is automatically boring.

I forgive myself for attaching to feelings of frustration after studying for a certain period of time.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the limitation of labeling ‘revision’, ‘homework’, and ‘school’ with feelings of disgust, reluctance, boredom, and tediousness, and complexity.

I forgive myself for allowing the creation of ‘a problem with revision’ when I attach to disgust, boredom, reluctance, tediousness, and complexity.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the thoughts in my head to conduct my revision.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my mind to conduct the revision to be done, by attaching to thoughts of ignorance.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the thoughts in my head to govern me when I begin revising.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting any feeling as my own, including frustration and boredom.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that there is a reason/justification for boredom/frustration, or any feeling for that matter, to be a part of my experience.

I forgive myself for comprising what is best for all by selfishly attaching to feelings of boredom and frustration.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to ignore compassion when feelings of boredom/frustration appear in my head.

I forgive myself for compassion and breathing to ever be out of awareness, as me, when I attach to feelings of boredom and frustration.


Appearances/The Physical

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to perceive my ideas of outward appearances (of thoughts, emotions, feelings, objects) rather than perceive outward appearances themselves.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the incomplete perception of all things from a perspective of my personality, rather than from a perspective of Life/Existence.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the feeling that there is something ‘more to see’ than what’s here in the Physical reality, and that I HAVE to see beyond it. Everything is here, right in front of my nose.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that seeing things as they are requires strenuous/tiring effort to do. Trying to see beyond the Physical is what is tiring/frustrating me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that appearances by themselves may deceive me. It is preconceived stagnant ideas that actually deceive me, and not the appearances themselves.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that immediate sensory input of enslaving patterns (television) will be installed into me. I determine what is allowed and accepted into my experience.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that certain appearances do not mirror the construct of Kasper Kwan while others do. All appearances themselves mirror everything that I accept and allow within and as Kasper Kwan.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that the feelings, emotions and thoughts about an appearance is the appearance itself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting thoughts, feelings, and emotions to continue existing when they are ‘related’ to an appearance, such as witnessing a beggar on the street.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the identification with thoughts, feelings and emotions when they are ‘related’ to an appearance, such as a specific person.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting temporary disconnections between appearances and myself when it is ‘painful’ to unite the two together.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the idea/belief that appearances may be separated into groups of ‘good/desirable’ and ‘bad/undesirable.’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting being ignorant of my delusions (thoughts/emotions/feelings) which are mirrored by appearances.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the disrespect I show for appearances by actually ignoring them or ‘pushing them aside’ to ‘make room’ for thoughts/emotions/feelings.

I forgive myself for trusting thoughts/emotions/feelings more than physical appearances. Physical appearances are more truthful than thoughts/emotions/feelings, which are inherently delusional.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that ‘silent perception’ of physical appearances is ‘not enough’ to identify contradictions within myself. Silent perception of appearances is perfect for the job of identifying problems within myself.


Privacy

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that privacy in a person’s day-to-day living is justifiable.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that privacy is something that is absolutely needed to an extent, in spite of the fact that if one lives for the best for all, there is nothing embarrassing to hide in privacy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that privacy exists in the Physical. When I ‘have’ privacy, I am deluding myself by censoring parts of the Physical in order for me to belief that whatever happens there at that time no one but I will know.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that privacy is tangible and justifiable.

I forgive myself for not yet realising that privacy is a full-blown limiting mind construct which justifies the insecurities that I hide within it, such as being completely open to myself in front of ‘others’.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I have anything to hide. All is revealed in the Physical. If I am accepting and allowing anything that even I would be ashamed of, they are to be forgiven, accepted, and then released from the role of defining me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that daily routines, daily activities, ‘deeper personality’, are things to be ashamed of within and as myself. They are just what they are, no more, and no less.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the society construct to define for me what is desirable and undesirable, such the belief that privacy is acceptable, the belief that not participating in social activities reflects badly on me as who I really am, the belief that one must seek approval from the popular clicks of a school.


Inner/Outer world

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief of separation between my inner world and outer world. There is no separation.

I forgive myself for justifying this separation with the belief that my accepted and allowed inner world is ‘embarrassing’ to reveal to other people, even though those other people are just reflections of me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the identification with the feeling of embarrassment because of the allowance and acceptance of a justification. The justification that my inner world is embarrassing because it is embarrassing. In actuality, there is NO reason for feeling 'embarrassed' about any and everything that exists as my inner world If there must be a reason, it is because I (as the sum total of my thoughts/feelings/emotion) ‘feel like it.’ That was thoughtless/selfish of me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the bestowal of power to thoughts, feelings, and emotions of judgment in other people, thus allowing them in myself.

I forgive myself for not yet living the statement, treat thy neighbour as thyself. It is excellent advice which at present, I seem to be agreeing with but not applying it.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to act one way in the company of myself, and in another way in the company of others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my illusory outer world ‘mask’ that I’ve set up as a reaction to the identification of 'fear of judgment.'

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the identification with the feeling of loss (from being judged) in the context of social standing and popularity and social acceptance. Not to mention that most of what society accepts is quite gruesome when traced back to its root presuppositions and consequences.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the identification of fear of judgment (from others) such that I then allow and accept those fears (of judgment) as justification to create an outer world ‘mask personality.’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the identification of fear of ‘seeing all of what I have allowed and accepted within and as Kasper Kwan, the mind construct.’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting fear when I begin to practically embody self-intimacy with my accepted and allowed mind construct of Kasper Kwan, which if not handled, would serve as a 'speed bump' (that I’ve accepted and allowed) to re-uniting my inner and outer world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect me as Existence by giving up power to the fear of judgment I once identified with.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the temporary ignorance of breath when identifying with this fear of judgment. I am me, directing me when I am completely aware of the physical act of breathing.


Woman/Sexuality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that women are ‘objects of desire.’ They are aware, like everything in Existence, so nothing is really an object as I presently understand it: as an unconscious thing that I may do anything to without facing consequences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that there are no consequences when feelings of lust, desire creep up ‘behind’ me as who I physically accepted and allowed myself to become.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that women with curvy bodies and boobs and ass are ‘better than’ other women, and are more ‘beautiful.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the treatment of boobs, butt and curves as ‘greater than’ the Existence “life force/stuff” that supports all things, and as ‘greater than’ other aspects of a woman, i.e. personality, core beliefs.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the categorisation of women according to the desire to fuck them. (I used the word ‘fuck’ instead of some euphemism to depict the grotesque/beastly/deranged nature of this specific point, so I’ll never believe this again and live the self-corrective action)

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the separation between ‘me as a male’ and ‘other females’, and I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the justification of this separation which is: “I want to fuck them. That’s a good enough reason to keep this distinction between me and women.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the neglect of the awareness within each woman, and the focusing upon the idea/belief that curves are ‘what I want’ and ‘the rest doesn’t matter’ (‘the rest’ = consequences, implications)

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that women are ‘different’ than me as who I really am. The ego personality of men and women are different, like clothing, but the person wearing the clothing exists as one and the same and thus equal, i.e. both men + women are ultimately awareness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting embarrassment and shame as part of my experience when women show off their ‘bodily assets’, such as wearing eye-catching shorts, or revealing clothing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting revealing clothing or curvy boobs/butt/body as different to the polar opposite of these features (flat boobs/butt/body, plain clothing). They are in the Physical reality one and the same; two sides of the same coin called duality/separation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that women and men are to be treated differently, and not equally and as one.

I forgive myself for allowing the surrender of ‘power to direct myself’ to ‘the female physical form.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that the female form is ‘something special’, ‘better than’ some other part of existence. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to subsequently place the female form ‘higher than’ the BEST FOR ALL, such that the female form would be cherished more than Existence itself, meaning I would then compromise Existence for a picture physical manifestation of Existence.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that some women with ‘better curves’ ‘should be’ treated ‘with more reverence/awe’ than women who do not have curves.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the disregard of the fact that ‘we are all one and the same Existence, existing EQUALLY’ because of the feelings of desire/lust/greed that I allowed myself to embody, in the immediate presence of a ‘curvy female physical body form.’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that women without curves are ‘mildly repulsive/undesirable’ and subsequently allowing and accepting myself to treat them as ‘less than’/unworthy of my attention. That is some real stinky poop I've accepted and allowed there.


Greed

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I will lose some part of myself when I share any realisation, in the form of living words/knowledge, to another person, such as how to play the cello well

I forgive myself for fearing loss when I share ALL of ‘who I accepted and allowed myself to become’, including the knowledge I live one and equal as me

I forgive myself for fearing the prospect of ‘being worth-less’ to other people when I share all of who I am

I forgive myself for believing in the prospect of being worthless.

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to identify with the fear of loss when I share knowledge as me.

I forgive myself for not considering the best for all when I ‘decide’ whether or not to share a piece of living knowledge as me

I forgive myself that I haven’t realised that there is no such thing as loss in reality as I am all as one and equal

I forgive myself that I haven’t realised that I am disrespecting an aspect of myself (as Life), as another human being, when I refrain from sharing knowledge for selfish reasons of “That person will take credit for what I’ve discovered” and “I will be drained of value if I share all of the knowledge I have acquired”

I forgive myself that I haven’t realised that I am here, nothing more, and nothing less EITHER

I forgive myself for believing that I as Existence can ‘lose’ a part of my self-worth

I forgive myself that I haven’t realised that it is I who gives myself permission to be worthy of my self-respect for me

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that other’s perceptions/opnions of me determine my self-worth

I forgive myself for not considering that the only person that CAN (not ‘may/might’) deem me self-worthy is myself

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the surrender of directive power to other people’s opinions of me

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to perceive me as ‘less’ when I share knowledge that I deem precious

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to identify with the thought of ‘not gaining money/prestige/power to my full potential’ when I image-ine myself sharing knowledge with other beings as myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the separation between pieces of knowledge, and grading them according to how precious I feel they are

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the identification with the belief that some knowledge is more precious than others. This is only the case in the society construct manifestation that I RAGE to delete in me

I forgive myself for not considering all knowledge as one and equal with me and everyone else as me

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the ‘insecurity’ that arises within and as me when giving/revealing/sharing all of myself away to other people, which includes knowledge of EVERY kind

I forgive myself that I haven’t realised that ALL people, regardless of my ideas AND feelings of them, are ONE and EQUAL to me. Other people = me. Treat thy neighbour as thyself fucking me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting greed as part of my experience here

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting greed as truth

I forgive myself for identifying with thoughts of greed when they appear in my head

I forgive myself for suppressing the nature of me which is nourishing all beings EQUALLY as ONE EXISTENCE

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the disregard of the BEST FOR ALL principle, of what is BEST FOR ALL when I identify with thoughts of greed

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that being aware of breath always involves an effort that will tire me

I forgive myself that I haven’t realised that being totally aware of me as breath is the most invigorating thing in existence. IN EXISTENCE

I forgive myself for treating greed and fear of loss as if they are real and self-sustaining

I forgive myself for not considering that fear of loss and greed are self-destructing

I forgive myself for not considering what is BEST FOR ALL when I allow and accept myself to identify with thoughts of greed

I forgive myself for not considering the consequences of living the thoughts of greed that appear in my head, which include the starvation of me and other people as me; literally killing my own existence as ME

Prestige

I forgive myself for participating in thoughts of prestige when I begin to master a skill

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to ‘look down upon’ other people who are ‘less skilled’ than me

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the separation of ‘skills’ and ‘me as Life’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that prestige is ‘real ‘and exists as a self-directed creation

I forgive myself for not considering the consequences of accepting and allowing prestige to exist in me as me: which includes making other people ‘who lack prestige’ suffer, and making myself more selfish therefore destroying myself as Life and literally KILLING MYSELF and FUCKING MYSELF IN THE ASS and ALLOWING AND ACCEPTING FOR THAT TO HAPPEN

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the duality of good and bad that is ‘camouflaged’ as the prestige construct

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the feeling of ‘being different’ and ‘being better than I was’ (before ‘gaining’ that skill) when I acquire and master another skill

I forgive myself for embracing myself according to the level of prestige I feel myself to be

I forgive myself for not considering the consequences of conditionally embracing myself: which include allowing and accepting the imprisonment and limitation of me to the prestige construct


Thoughts/Feelings/Emotions

I forgive myself that I haven’t realised that identification to any thoughts, feelings or emotions, REGARDLESS of their content, all end in one result: suffering and self-destruction and destruction of Existence

I forgive myself for not considering that by being more selfless than I am now, I am helping myself as who I really am

I forgive myself that I haven’t realised that I am selfish, proven by the fact that I still identify with certain thoughts, certain emotions and certain feelings

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to consider ‘my benefit’ more important than another’s benefit.

I forgive myself for not considering my benefit and another’s benefit as one and equal. My benefit is another’s benefit: another’s benefit is my benefit. The two CANNOT be separated in the Physical reality

I forgive myself for fearing the loss of my individual self as an ego personality that ‘gains’ and ‘loses’, ‘becomes better’ and ‘worse’

I forgive myself that I haven’t realised that me, as an ego in a body, is the root cause for ALL conflicts, ALL arguments and ALL suffering that I experience at any moment in my life

I forgive myself for not considering the consequences of attaching to my ‘ego in a body’ by placing more importance on me than ‘other people’: the consequences are suffering, enjoying myself AT THE EXPENSE OF OTHER PEOPLE, and living comfortably AT THE COST OF OTHER PEOPLE’S SUFFERING

I forgive myself that I haven’t realised that attachment to my ego personality in a body is KILLING me.

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to become attached to my ego self


Beauty/Attraction

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting sexual scenarios to run in my head when I see physical traits I define as attractive: pretty face, round ass, round boobs, long, shapely legs.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define certain physical traits as attractive, and at the same time implying certain physical traits as ugly.

I forgive myself that I haven't realised that defining a 'beautiful physical trait" implies ugliness and brings unneccessary suffering to other people as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to identify and act as the sexual thoughts, erotic feelings, and nervous emotions.

I forgive myself that I haven't realised that beautiful and ugly men/women are one and equal.

I forgive myself for not living Oneness and Equality when a reaction of lusting arises in me.

I forgive myself for not standing as one and equal to the feelings of lust, and the sexual scenarios themselves manifested as thought.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to stand one and equal with that lustful thought paired with lustful emotion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that a pretty face, round ass, round boobs, and long shapely legs are "sexy" and something that I as Life would desire. (lol)

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that a pretty face, round ass, round boobs and long shapely legs are "better than" their opposites: "ugly" face, flat ass, flat boobs, and straight legs.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the assumption that I as Life am attached to feelings of lust.

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to identify with feelings of embarrassment when speaking about sex, masturbation, and "sexy" men and women.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that sexuality, masturbation and sex are "obscene topics" not to be discussed "publicly."


Attached to Emotions/Feelings/Thoughts

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I must do something "extraordinary" to remove ALL thoughts, emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realise that to remove ALL thoughts, emotions and feelings, I need only breathe through all points, standing as absolute self-forgiveness: meaning I forgive all thoughts, emotions and feelings regardless of the content of those thoughts/emotions and feelings.


School/Revision/Exams

I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that obtaining top marks in exams requires "extraordinarily difficult effort" paired with "unsurpassed suffering."

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must suffer to a certain extent to "earn" high marks.

I forgive myself that I haven't realised that I as Life am not the feelings of compulsion to create another image of me to "show to others", part of that image being high marks to justify my "intelligence."

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that obtaining high marks is "hard."

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that obtaining high marks "just difficult for me."

I forgive myself that i haven't realised that scoring high marks is "difficult" because I am not living the words as knowledge, as one and equal with me, and as me.

I forgive myself that I haven't realised that scoring high marks is "difficult" because I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined/chained/imprisoned to my past of obtaining "average marks."

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that beacuase of my average past, I cannot score high marks easily and without difficulty.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting that belief that I am "inferior" because I score low/average marks.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the identification of low/average marks with me. I am both "low" and "high" marks: they exist as one and equal in terms of value and worth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel inferior to any person at school or otherwise.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that professional teachers "must know" better than me, and learn better than me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that the entire schooling experience must be "difficult" and "chaotic" to be considered as a schooling experience.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I must be "popular" and "attractive" to justify my existence; to give myself an excuse/reason to keep living in this human physical body as this human character.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I am limited to anything I have accepted and allowed as me, Kasper Kwan.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that I must act a certain way to be accepted by others.

I forgive myself that I haven't realised that I need only act as myself to be accepted by others.

I forgive myself that I haven't realised that I only ever wanted me as Life to accept myself, reflected as other's acceptance of me.

I forgive myself for not considering that I need only act AS I AM to be accepted by me as Life: play music AS I AM, speak to others AS I AM, walk in front of people AS I AM, have my picture taken AS I AM, talk to everyone AS I AM, do everything AS I AM.


Sexuality and how this relates to woman

Sexuality, and how that relates with women: how I immediately conjure up scenarios when an 'attractive woman' touches me in a certain way.

Femininity, and how I must not/cannot exist as these feminine traits: gentleness, understanding, emotionally sensitive, 'mind-reading', sexy, 'top-of-the-sexuality/attractiveness/popularity-chain',

Insecurity about being subject to femininity: insecurity about being powerless in the presence of 'beautiful women', anger/frustration at how 'powerless I allow myself to feel' when I allow myself to be attracted to a woman,

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the identification with the feeling of 'being less than' women when I meet a 'hot' one.

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to deny the fact that I allow and accept myself to give up my power to women, such that I may be controlled by them

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the feeling of nervousness as mine when a woman touches me in a certain way: rub inner thighs, rub ass around m chest, etc.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I must be powerless when a hot woman confrtonts me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the self definition of me according to the women I meet.

I forgive myself for fearing women.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting women, a picture manifestation of me as Life, power to manipulate me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the self-definition that I am a man, that is attrcted and powerless towards hot women.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the identification of 'sexy/hot' scenarios that run in my head when a hot woman emerges.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the 'hot/sexy' scenarios to run in my head, and to be triggered by the picture manifestation of a hot woman.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the self-definition of me according to how many 'hot women' I attract.

I forgive myself that I haven't realised that attracting 'hot women' is merely reflecting their ideas of a 'hot guy' to them: such that I am actually entertaining a system female ego personality than anything else: pressing the 'right buttons' to make the organic robot 'go wild.'

I forgive myself that I haven't realised that I do not have to be imprisoned and be a slave to the picture manifestations of 'hot women.'

I forgive myself that I haven't realised that 'hot women' are picture manifestations of me as who I truly am, as Life as one and equal.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the illusion of choice regarding the choice to treat women as one and equal with me, or to lust for them and indulge in sexual fantasies.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to conditionally apply self-honesty and self-direction and self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and the principle of Oneness and Equality, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fail to apply all of these practises *absolutely* here in EVERY SINGLE MOMENT of breath.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the picture manifestation of a woman as separate from who I am as Life.

I forgive myself for not considering that women and men and I are all one equal expression of Life, that does not require ideas, abstractions of reality such as memories, emotions, feelings, thoughts, I do not need to say/feel/believe that I am attracted to her: this would cause separation, the sole cause for suffering in this world. To support one instance of separation would be to support all instances of separation and support all forms of suffering in ths world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that my desire for sex and naked women are really me. Desire/want/need is not me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the self-definition of me according to the desires that arise in me, and considering that desire as 'more than' me, such that I 'must' submit to the desire. I am actually one and equal with the desire, such that I do not desire at all - desire does not exist as I currently understand and feel it to be.

I forgive myself that I haven't realised that desire/want/need does not exist in oneness and equality - practically, it is not who I am here. Desires/wants/needs draw me to somewhere over there, away from who I really am here, lived practically as breath.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting judgment as part of my experience when I see 'hot' women.

I forgive myself that I haven't realised that judgment is a reflection of a fear that is implied within the judging thought.

I forgive myself for fearing 'being rejected' by women.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the feeling of 'being rejected' by women as who I am.

I forgive myself for not considering that identifying with the fear of 'being rejected' by women is taking me away from breathing and listening here, in absolute self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to forgive myself for accepting and allowing the fear of 'being rejected' by women.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting this fear as part of who I am.

I forgive myself that I haven't realised that I am the fear of 'being rejected' by women itself, and fear does not fear itself, therefore if I realised this fact I wouldn't fear this fear.


Fearing Judgment

I am still ashamed of revealing all of myself at the expense of maybe being judged by others

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel nervous when I imagine people judging me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the self-definition of me according to people’s judgments of me.

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to bas my self-worth and existence on other people’s judgments.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting th surrender of directive power to other people’s judgments.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that other people’s judgments are powerful.

I forgive myself that I haven’t realized that other people’s judgments are powerful because I allow and accept them to have some of my self-directive power.

I forgive myself that I haven’t realized that relinquishing other people’s power to manipulate me through judgment can change in just one moment of breath.

I am still afraid of other’s opinions of me I am still taking other’s opinions of me seriously

I forgive myself for fearing other people’s judgments of me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that other people’s judgments are not me as well.

I forgive myself that I haven’t realized that people’s judgments, my personality, everything I can think of, is of Life, as who I actually am.

I forgive myself for not considering the possibility of reclaiming my self-directive power as Life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the regret I still hold for the past events when I was completely manipulated through emotion. When my mother scolded me and I bottled up that rage and manifested it as depression, when friends manipulated me for money and I allowed myself to feel violated, when I was depressed all alone and allowed my own emotions to manipulate me for years. I forgive all of these events unconditionally.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that other people’s ‘bad’ judgment of me is actually a judgment of me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t realized that the person that other people are judging is simply a mind creation that I’ve accepted and allowed to act as my ‘stunt double.’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to base my self-worth according to the ego image of myself I present to the world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define me according to my personality.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to trust the statement that I as Life remain stable, constant, unwavering, unswayed, and eternal.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to become Life: stable, constant, unwavering, unswayed, and eternal.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to identify with the feeling of ‘nervousness’ when I begin acting from a starting point of Life, which implies that I believe that Life is dangerous, and is not me. Is not me, or I find myself very dangerous.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that Life, as me without an ego identity, is dangerous.

I forgive myself that I haven’t realized that Life is me: therefore if I allow and accept the belief that Life is dangerous, I am finding myself dangerous, and through physical action, distrusting me to care of me and nurture me and support me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the definition of Life as something outside of me, over ‘there.’

I forgive myself for not considering that Life is something so crucial, so deep inside of me, that it is me, and I find Life, by being here more and more, absolutely; without failing me.

I am still afraid of being completely and totally open in front of my friends, classmates, and fellow human beings

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that being open with everyone makes me vulnerable.

I forgive myself That I haven’t realized the hilarity of believing that ‘being open with others makes me vulnerable’ if I actually really trust in the statement that we are all one expression, so every ego outside of Life is existing as Life; existing as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the discrimination of aspects of me that are reflected by other people and their actions toward me and other people; I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to discriminate against me as other people.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting the physical action that naturally develops from a complete trust in everyone as myself, which is to no longer care about judging or being judged, and no longer caring about popularity, specialness in any way, shape or form, and only care about the plain, the simple, here.

I forgive myself that I haven’t realized every part of them, is a part of me, if I consider myself as Life. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I do not know exactly what to do.

I forgive myself that I haven’t realized that Life is me, and Life as other people is me, and Life as all objects is me. Everything is an aspect of me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t realized that I disallow myself from being open with others to escape from having to face myself head on, everything at once, instead of embracing the reality of who I have accepted and allowed myself to become and then fixing it once and for all.


Personality

Personality is a part of me that is destroying me as Life. I don’t agonize in pain because I have suppressed myself as Life. Let’s pretend that the physical body I am in is Life, which it really is, only I haven’t realized this as experience yet. By supporting personality, and the idea of a ‘me’ and ‘someone else’, I tricked myself to such an extent that even though my physical body has a gaping wound, called personality, and its bleeding litres and litres of blood, as the millions of people dying every moment; I believe that I am not hurting. I do not yet realize the harm I am doing to myself as Life because I am still blocking myself from knowing who I really am: Life. I do not yet feel the pain because I am still allowing and accepting myself to continue tricking myself to participate in this world as personality.

In every moment I participate and act as the personality, and allow and accept myself to do so, I support the world in its entirety: the good and the bad, though as a world in duality, both good and bad are BAD from the perspective of ‘What is best for all.’

Even I as a personality, selfish by nature, I as personality do not wish to hurt others as me, as I have realized that they sense as I do. Please, everyone that may be reading this or any post: if you see any delusion that I am living as, DO NOT HESITATE to reply to this post and tell me. I would be grateful.


‘Till here no further: I am no longer accepting and allowing suffering to exist, by surrendering my self-interest, represented by my personality.

I am no longer accepting and allowing self-interest as represented as thoughts, emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I haven’t realized that to participate in just ONE thought, emotion or feeling; I am supporting ALL thoughts, emotions and feelings. And by supporting all thoughts, emotions and feelings, I am supporting all suffering in this world, including my own suffering in this world, manifested as doubt, fear, conflict, hatred, anger, problems.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to continue allowing and accepting myself to exist as the personality, instead of allowing myself to exist as Life as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I haven’t realized that all of my doubts, worries, problems, as well as the world’s doubts, worries and problems are created because of identifying with personality as Kasper Kwan.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that continuing to identify ‘who I am’ as the personality is ‘okay.’

I forgive myself that I haven’t realized that it is the identification with one’s ‘own personality’ that there is suffering in the world, conflict in the world. Poverty, illness, rape, murder, war, politics as it exists now and crises exists because we collectively allow and accept personality to control and operate as us.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to act upon my responsibility as Life by surrendering the personality and throwing it away, to no longer support all of the crises that is represented and supported by the personality, as the personality.

I forgive myself for fearing the loss of me as personality, even though the consequences of ceasing to identify as personality is life-supporting: while continuing to identify with personality is literally making millions of people, as me, as how I feel and sense, to suffer horrendously.

I forgive myself for not considering embracing this ‘loss of identity’ as personality because I am finally dropping the weapon that is killing millions of people every second and every moment of breathing.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting the embrace of losing personality because of the justification that ‘I am not used to it’ = it seems unfamiliar.

I forgive myself that I haven’t realized that the personality that I oh-so-cherish as me is using me to create and support self-destruction as it destroys life in every moment I participate as the personality.

I forgive myself for not considering the identification to personality as horrendously ‘mad’ and ‘twisted’ and ‘completely destructive.’


What if people think I am Reclusive and Unsociable?

I decided to go out today to have lunch alone. There were fears that activated: "What if they think I'm reclusive and unsociable when I have lunch alone?" "What if people see you walking alone?" That closed the deal: I was going out for lunch.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to project future ideas onto the image manifestations of other people.


Woke up from a dream, that made me feel very convoluted inside, confused and frustrated at the confusion. Why do I dream? I dream because I accept and allow image manifestations around me to define who I am. Who will I be when I am alone, in the fullest sense? I've yet to find that out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in emotions and feelings when I sleep.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to remain aware when I sleep.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to leave the human physical body and the Physical when I sleep.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to FALL asleep, instead of remaining aware as my human physical body rests.

I forgive myself for fearing the amount of time I would experience without stimulation when I remain aware while my physical body recuperates.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use sleep as a escape from what I need to face here as the school deadlines and my inner and outer reality that reflects the atrocity that I allowed and accepted myself to become.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that sleep must involve me leaving the reality of my body remaining still on the bed, with me laying still within and as my human physical body.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that my awareness during sleep is only directed to mind manifestations as thoughts emotions and feelings, and does not actually disappear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be convinced of the mind-generated dream and immerse myself within the dream.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that non-stimulation is 'doing nothing' and is useless.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to consider that the only actually useful thing is remaining here within and as the Physical, starting with my human physical body.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to release and self-forgive worries and problems in the moment they occur.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to escape my worries and problems with sleep, instead of facing them, and doing self-forgiveness in the moment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define sleep as escaping the fucked-up creation that I allowed and accepted myself to become.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse me by leaving self-forgiveness for all thoughts emotions and feelings until I go to sleep.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that my worries and problems 'go away' when I fall asleep, instead of realising that I am actually 'escaping' my worries and problem, but I can never escape from my worries and problems; my worries and problems are me, and the only way to remove them, is to release them by facing them and forgiving them as myself face to face.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see ALL of the worries and problems I allowed and accepted to exist within and as me, to forgive them in every moment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be engulfed in fears worries and problems when I am sleeping, yet I do not allow and accept them to engulf me when I am awake.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the separation between awake and asleep, which develops into different rules of conduct for each state.


Fear of loss

As I brought cookies to eat for breakfast I walked past my grandmother, and then I feared her wanting one, which means I have to lose a cookie to her. The cookies were baked by one of my friend's mothers, knowing I liked eating them, so I unknowingly attached that idea onto the cookie. I asked the cookie if it had such meaning: no evidence of an idea on the bumpy crust of the cookie.

I forgive myself for imposing specialness on a physical object as a cookie.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that all physical objects, absolute, exist in Oneness and Equality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate a cookie from the rest of physical existence by fearing loss of that cookie.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I fear losing the 'feelings' instilled into a cookie, by a friend's family.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that the cookie is reflecting the separation I accepted and allowed as the special feeling I impose on the cookie.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the self-definition of me according to the 'amount of positive feelings' I 'receive'.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that I actually create these specialness feelings and do not receive anything.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to live within and as the enjoyment and pleasure and self-worth the cookie represented in that moment.

I forgive myself for judging myself for fearing the loss of a cookie.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to breathe through this point in order to stand within and as that point and stop myself.


My imagination

While I was petting the dog, I imagined what the dog might be thinking. My dog at least, is not affected by people looking at her, unlike people including me. Whenever someone looks at me for a long time, I react by imagining what may be wrong with me. The dog doesn't do that. Then I wondered why I could feel someone watching or looking at me, and whether the dog felt that too. Then I realised, I created that feeling in me and projected it onto other people. The whole world is watching me, yet I don't feel the same way as a moving physical body watching me. It was all make-believe.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate in my imagination.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I need imagination to prepare for the future.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that the future NEVER exists; only here exist.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to live within and as the Physical, by momentarily engrossed in imagination.

I forgive myself for not allowing and acceping myself to realise that the Physical is all there is - I am best able to take care of my life when I am physically here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate in self-judgment with the justification that other people are looking at me, therefore there must be a problem with who I am.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to be confident in who I am, standing within and as my human physical body.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to remain stable here within and as the Physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the creation of anxiety and shame with the justification that someone is looking at me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that someone looking at me = something wrong with me.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to live as I am, no acceptance and allowance of judgment, belief or opinion to affect me in any way whatsoever.


Useless things

My grandmother knocked on the door and proceeded to babble as she talks about an imaginary meeting and accommodation and sleep. Knowing she would not stop until I firmly discouraged her from conversation, speaking in a 'final/finishing' tone, and then I shut the door and then opened it again to see her walking away. I noticed that I shut the door out of suppressed anger. When she continued speaking I allowed anger to compound within me, and I felt it as a 'gripping' heart, and a warm-hot feeling in my chest.

I forgive myself for projecting my anger onto my grandmother, when I am actually angry at myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I will become useless if I listen to useless things.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I am less than useless things

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I will be affected by useless things, and become useless.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that useless and useful are ideas that do not represent the Physical in any way whatsoever.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that uselessness and usefulness do not exist in the Physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge words as spoken by my grandmother.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to live within and as my grandmother, to stand as ALL as one and equal.

I forgive myself for judging me as my grandmother, as the sum of the beliefs that she has accepted and allowed herself to become, spoken as her words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that what I think about other people are what those people are thinking.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting self-abuse as participation within future projections of other people criticising my conduct.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I cannot trust my breath eternally.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to apply breath and counting as easily as I apply my resonance onto me, as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define me according to my future projections of what other people might be thinking.

I forgive myself for fearing my opinions and my conduct being criticised.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that if anyone criticises my opinions or conduct, they are automatically wrong and flawed.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to consider that there are people that will criticise my opinions or conduct based on their knowledge and their opinion, therefore my words and conduct are only wrong if they do not align with common sense.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that my words and conduct are only wrong if they do not align with common sense, i.e. if my words and conduct do not align with my common sense in and as self-honesty.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that anyone that 'criticizes' my opinions or judgments criticises me as who I really am as the Physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am superior to other people because I am striving to live as who I really am as the Physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that other people are part of the Physical as I am, therefore all physicality, not JUST my human physical body, is the Physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting imagination as future projections to define me and limit me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting self-enslavement as the allowance and acceptance of me defining me according to my imagination.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting imagination to manifest within and as me and continue to manifest.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to release and self-forgive my imagination in real time in the moment it begins to manifest.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress my imagination reactions by judging and ignoring them, instead of facing them head-on and self-forgiving myself.

I forgive myself for fearing conflict as arguments between me and another person.

I forgive myself for fearing mind consciousness systems within and as other people.

I forgive myself for fearing the possibility for having to explain my actions, my words and my conduct.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to trust me by fearing the possiblity to have to explain myself.

I forgive myself for judging myself as incapable of explaining myself within and as common sense to other people when they challenge my words and conduct.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I am unable to comment on world political events or worldwide situations, instead of realising that removing this judgment would give me the chance to develop enough common sense and self-honesty to comment on politics and poverty and lack.

I forgive myself for fearing myself to take a position I have to defend, instead of realising that every time I speak, I am taking a position on the topic I am speaking.


What other people will think of me

Then when I arrived at the pseudo-fast food bakery shop, I made a mistake of lining up for my food before paying. "Shit, they'll think I'm a slow stupid spoiled brat" "How EMBARRASSING" ""I just embarrassed myself in front of people"

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define me according to what I think other people are thinking.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I must feel embarrassed when I do something that is not considered normal.

I forgive myself for not considering that the 'normal' standard that most people have are based on self-interest and not what is best for all. It is not best for all to feel embarrassed because I did something unexpected and outside the normal boundary, and self-abuse me by being embarrassed.

I forgive myself for fearing rejection by other people.

I forgive myself for defining me according to other people's acceptances of me.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that the only person that rejects me is me; the only person that can accept me is me.

I forgive myself for abdicating my responsibility for feeling rejected with the justification that others reject me, therefore I am rejected.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I need/want/desire another person's acceptance of me, instead of realising that I only wanted my own acceptance of myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the separation between me and other people, instead of realising that I am one and equal to other people.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to live within and as ALL of my surroundings including other people, thus standing up as ALL as one and equal.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am 'superior' because I am doing more specific self-forgiveness than before.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to become my stability point because that is what it means to stand as ALL as one as equal.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to remain as certainty within and as my human physical body.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to focus on ideas of judgment and superiority/inferiority, instead of focusing on the physicality of here, as my human physical body.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to remain stable within and as my human physical body.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise in that moment that my self-judgments were thoughts and therefore are not actually real.


Guilt looking at woman

Walking through the park to get to another bakery, this time to buy bread, I saw a pair of ladies about the same age as I, and I felt ashamed for looking at them. It was because I still held onto guilt for once energetically raping girls like them in my mind, fantasizing, dreaming. I was imposing all of my guilt from past live-memory moments onto the image manifestation of these girls who were about the same age, but I never even met them before.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting self-abuse as the guilt I identified with and imposed on the image manifestation of these two girls, and all girls of similar age.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to attach to past memories of abusing young women in my secret mind by imagining and fantasizing about them.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to let go of the guilt that keeps me from moving on from being a perverted bastard.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting anger to possess me when I remind myself of these past events of fantasizing and imagining young women.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to justify my regret and anger with the past memories of my fantasies with young women.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that attaching and abusing myself for what I did in the past keeps me from moving on from the past; abusing myself for what I did enslaves me to repeat the past patterns I despise for allowing and accepting.

I forgive myself for abusing and raping young women through imagining and fantasizing about having sexual intercourse with them.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I must feel guilt and be angry to repent for once abusing young women as myself through imagination.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that women work exactly the same way men do because both are human.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise that I would be able to understand women if I would shut up with my thoughts and judgments.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realise women as myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to impose ideas of shame on specific body parts of a female, instead of realising that the Physical, that is all tangible objects, operates in Oneness and Equality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I must see a woman's breasts or ass or legs or face with shame to repent for my past misdoings.

I forgive myself for abusing myself by feeling obligated to feel shame when I see a woman's legs, butt, face or ass.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I want, need and desire to see a 'nice' face, butt, ass, legs, instead of realising that they are oen and equal, the same to every physical object in existence, and that I only insisted on imposing ideas on the physical form of certain features of a female physical human body.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel shame when I see an attractive woman, instead of realising that this shame is my self-abuse manifest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my own self-abuse, instead of realising that abusing myself will further enslave me to the very past patterns I despise within me and as me.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see through all of this self-abuse as self-judgment towards myself, reflected to me by other people such as young women, and breathe through these points and self-forgive the beliefs behind my self-judgments.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress these past live-memory moments through focusing on breath to 'remove' these judgments and beliefs from my awareness, instead of focusing on breath to see ALL of the shit I have allowed and accepted to self-forgive them in the infinite moment between breaths.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to utilise the breath to see ALL of what I've accepted and allowed to live as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge all of what I've accepted and allowed to live as me, which prevents me from releasing it through self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel shame for what I've accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that I must feel shame for what I've accepted and allowed to repent for what I've accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge whatever I've accepted and allowed to live as me