- 1 2007
- 1.1 Relationships
- 1.1.1 What are Relationships?
- 126.96.36.199 How to stop relationship definitions without cutting ties to the world?
- 188.8.131.52 Love
- 184.108.40.206 Parenting
- 220.127.116.11 Sex in relationships
- 18.104.22.168 Self-Dishonesty is the basis of all Relationships
- 1.1.1 What are Relationships?
- 1.1 Relationships
- 2 2008
- 3 2009
- 4 2012
What are Relationships?
Every being within your world, every circumstance/situation within your world – reflect you to you, mirrors you. In other words: You literally face you in others.
So, for instance: Observe you when in the presence of ‘friends’/’family’/’partner’ – when/where/how you react inside you such as experiencing Emotions and Feelings because of thoughts and memories that come up in your mind. Because such reactions that come up inside you when you’re around them, reveal to you ‘points’ within you, you have not yet dealt with, but the mind still influences/controls. Then in this observation you have a look at your experience with all the beings in your world – have a look at to who you react within you, why you react within you and so apply Self-Forgiveness for accepting/allowing you to react towards such particular beings within your world, so as to assist and support you to no more react towards others in your world, but to be one and equal as all of them within and as you.
Because reactions towards others are not about them – but all about you and reactions towards others are but the mind, you showing you where you’re still allowing the mind to direct you, instead of you expressing you. So, have a look at what I suggested – I am certain you’ll find the experience quite interesting to no more accept/allow the mind to direct/control you, but to stand up as you.
How to stop relationship definitions without cutting ties to the world?
The point that is made within Desteni in relation to stopping the relationships that one has within and as one’s practical reality is that It is to 'sever' all 'relationship definitions ‘with everyone and everything within your world - WITHIN YOU. Meaning that you stand within and as oneness and equality with everything and everyone in your world - this includes you husbands and wives.
For instance - placing him or her within you as you - realizing that when you're communicating with him or her - you're actually communicating with yourself - no separation. From this starting point within you - as you stand within and as oneness and equality - you state what you will accept and allow within you and your world as you and what you will not accept or allow within you and your world as you. From here, within and as Self-Honesty as you - you direct you as your world in such a way - that you assist and support yourself within your world as you as you walk this process.
Practical Application Support
Write down on a piece of paper - all the beings in your world - from your perspective - the likes and dislikes in each and every single human being in your world - this done with absolute brutal Self-Honesty.
Then after you're done - you apply Self-Forgiveness as follows: The 'Likes' of each human being in your world is aspects of you, you recognize in others that you haven't accepted as yourself as one as you - then you apply Self-Forgiveness for instance: I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to accept myself as joy as the joy I observed and enjoyed inside this particular being: I am joy.
The 'Dislikes' within other human beings is others reflecting you back to you - of that which you haven't noticed existed within you - but see within others as you - that you haven't yet applied Self-Forgiveness for and released within you. The you apply Self-Forgiveness accordingly: I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that I do the exact same thing as this particular being and because I don't see it inside myself, I see it in this particular being and then I allow myself to become angry, irritated or frustrated because I do the exact same thing.
You’re going to have to go into specifics with the Self-Forgiveness for you - but here's an example of how you ensure you stand within and as oneness and equality with each being in your world - to not have any 'relationships' form the perspective of having aspects of you - 'lost' somewhere in someone else separate from you - and so you sever all the relationships within you. When you're in a situation, you look at the situation in self honesty as you and apply accordingly - which you did, including the expression of common sense as you.
And, during or after, if you have reactions within: Self forgiveness is here, and then in such a way, prepares you for the 'next time' if a similar scenario unfolds, to not react in any way - but remain direct, self-honest and applies common sense.
In all relationships, it is simply the communication that is frank so the point is not to deliberately push any one away because it is about each being’s internal world, the rest will follow as each live the example of Self-Honesty. If one choose to share one’s process, cool, but know that you might get some resistance--if the relationship between those you share with and self is open, you may get support, if not, you will not.
It is suggested to live your self-honest inner reality with common sense in expression, and in time people will ask you why and then the door open for assistance
It is thus important to prove only to yourself through how you live and express yourself in words to lay the foundation of effective change, thus once people notice you have changed consistently, then you will be ready to speak and share; before that the process is internal: writing Self-Forgiveness and Self-Honesty. In this way it becomes possible to have an effective directive impact on your immediate sphere of influence - you do it as yourself for yourself. All people in your life is actually a gift, showing self in the mirror thus learn from it and decide who you will be and what you will share with the people you have relationships with.
Suggest listening to the following interview for further perspectives:
Love is the most misunderstood idea in existence – it is the reason for the mess on earth and all previous existences in all Universes we found turned out the same way: enslavement. Love as it exists has no directive specific expression that supports life; it use concepts like forgiveness without assertiveness and discipline.
Throughout billions of years, we found only abuse of love. Sad to say, even now on the daily deaths of people and many die a day, they do not even remember the name of the person they loved most or their children, it simply disappears at death.
Before love was programmed in the soul construct but not as self so one could connect to the memory of love. Now we face the truth: it never really existed beyond our value we place to a memory; that is why we do not love all as one equally and expressly live it no matter what, not accepting anything less than who each being really is.
That will be love: not accepting any being in existence as less than whom they are and DOING what it takes to bring them to themselves - NO MATTER WHAT. No separation may exist. Otherwise: no answer. Love is not yet part of the human expression; that is proven in the way we have accepted the world. But it will be through much pain and sorrow - love will be here. So the question is: are we willing to do what must be done that all may stand as love?
We are all one. In this oneness love exist, yet if any part of us as a being is lost, love is not here and we are required to restore ourselves to be love again. To then claim that love exist while even one of "us" is lost, is a fallacy and not justifiable. This is the point that made even the magnificent civilizations before Anu came about, fall. We are at this point, taking it apart and understanding what love is. We require tough love: to let the addiction and desire for individual separate selves go.
Suggest listening to the following interview for extended perspectives on love:
This is how the design used to work in terms of the relationship between 'parent and child' from a mind system design perspective within and as the unified consciousness field:
Children were born and then 'continued carrying' the information system design of the parent's system as well as the generations that has gone before the parents (your parents and your parents', parents' and so forth). So, sons and daughters became the 'exact copy/duplicate' of their parents - and all of the family (both 'mother' and 'father' of the 'child'). So, the children basically become what exists within his 'family' that has gone before them - 'the sins of the fathers being passed on from generation to generation'.
Suggest listening to the following interviews for extended perspectives:
Sex in relationships
Is it possible to get rid of sex-systems?
No - the sex system within and as human beings is also of the religious system, so the sex system is not only of 'sex' ONLY as understood and defined of this world, there's 'more to' this sex system than just the concept and definition of sex by itself for instance the concept and belief of religion and 'higher purpose'.
What happens to build up emotions and feelings if there is no sex?
Everything of human beings which they 'manifest' through the act of thinking and indulgence in the generation of emotions and feelings - is inverted for introspection. No more is anything of human beings' experience of and within themselves directed or diverted to something or someone separate from them - no more harm and abuse in such a way. The emotional and feeling 'energy' human beings generate within themselves is inverted within themselves - compounded so that they're able to face themselves immediately, effectively and efficiently to start 'waking up' and realizing what it is that they are accepting and allowing within themselves and their world.
Thus - all that human beings allow within themselves is inverted and compacted and compounded to face themselves as they continue within their processes. Thus - each and every single human being is responsible for themselves - alone (all one) within their own individual processes.
Self-Forgiveness with corrective action assist and support in releasing the emotions and feelings within you. If forgiveness with corrective action and Self-Honesty in every moment isn't applied - the emotions and feelings will compact and compound and invert within a person - will manifest in a specific appropriate way within your world or within you to then face and deal with in such a way.
Suggest listening to the following interviews for perspectives on sex in relationships:
(Scroll down for the Veno-Section – herein you will find the ‘I Mind System Design’ documents and also the ‘Structural Resonance’ documents.
Self-Dishonesty is the basis of all Relationships
Now - the 'reality' of the situation is that your 'relationship' with these particular beings are all based within dishonesty - so, you as who you are, is not able to be self-honest in the presence of those beings - thus, everything you do, say, or participate in together with them is a lie as your entire, all of you, as your behavior with them is based and founded in 'guilt / shame / fear' - thus, your starting point as who you are in their presence = self-dishonesty - self dishonest towards you and also towards them. This is how 'relationships' fucks in this world from the perspective of how it's 'set up' in your mind. Because 'relationships' are based in self-dishonesty, both you and your girlfriends' or boyfriends ‘ starting point of the 'relationship' in the first place was/is self-dishonesty - because in being / having a relationship with another in the first place is self-dishonesty.
Why? Because human beings 'look for what they can't accept/find within themselves' in another: Fulfillment, enjoyment, completion, love, sex...and the list goes on, human beings 'hide' in relationships, 'becoming something/someone else' within the relationship to 'attempt/try' and hide the 'true nature of themselves' - some succeed unfortunately, though you didn't from the perspective that - you 'cheating' / 'fondling' with other women or men is but you showing your self- dishonesty within you to yourself through having to go through such an experience - which you yourself design/manifest.
So, in truth - you're just experiencing guilt because it would be 'inhumane' not to - but 'take out the equation in your mind of the 'longtime girlfriend or boyfriend' being your girlfriend/boyfriend, meaning remove the 'definition in your mind of your 'longtime girlfriend' or boyfriend being your 'girlfriend or boyfriend defined' and what would exist: No guilt - you had sex with the woman or man and that's it.
Cheating on a partner
In relation to cheating where one has cheated on a partner, we suggest to first have a look at what 'drove you' to such particular woman or man - clearly it wasn't about the woman or man - but about sex / even the momentary 'adrenaline rush' of 'fulfilling the desire' of having sex with another. You 'feel nothing' towards the woman or man you 'slept with' as 'who they are' - it was all 'sexual impulsions' which you 'fulfilled within you' - whether just 'kissing' or actual penetration. The experience thereof as though you 'couldn't help yourself': It's how the system works, within this world - and if you're not self-honest with you in this world, in awareness as you in every moment - it will fuck with you. This thus questions your 'relationship' with your 'longtime girlfriend or boyfriend' of course, from the perspective of what your 'relationship' with her or him was 'based / founded' on - clearly you were never in an actual agreement together which stands absolute no matter what within and as Self-Honesty - one and equal. Clearly you weren't self-honest with you in the relationship with the 'longtime girlfriend or boyfriend' - because you're experiencing guilt for what reason: Based upon what they might experience if they'd find out - it's got nothing to do even with you.
Why does cheating exists?
Unfortunately human beings don't understand this: That 'cheating' exists, which they themselves manifest in their life experience to reveal or show to themselves their own self dishonesty within themselves, they 'think / believe' they're 'cheating / being dishonest' towards the 'one they’re in relationship with' - though, this is not so - you were dishonest towards you, yourself, your dishonesty towards you is shown or revealed in the act of 'cheating' - so, the guilt / shame you're experiencing is actually towards you - not the others - the fear you're experiencing because of this situation is the fear that they (the others) might find out your 'self-dishonest existence' - thus, you actually fear your own self dishonesty.
Now you'll attempt / try to 'hide it' / 'suppress it' - now have a look at your 'choice of words' / behavior / body language / actions towards these beings: A lie - fake - not real - all done to 'hide' the dishonesty within you of you which you accept / allow. Now it's in your face always as you see these beings / when you're in their presence - which 'influences you even further' - because you now actually see / know / realize your self-dishonesty EVERYWHERE within everything you do with them in their presence as 'who you are' - which gets pretty tough. If this continues - you will 'design / manifest' a situation which will be experienced in due time - as a reason/excuse to 'get out' of the situation - a fall out / a fight - whatever it might me - and then you'll walk away and justify why you walked away in some way or another when the truth of the matter is, you could not face them, you could not face your own self dishonesty - and then, you'll continue with your life experience and actually do the exact same thing with other human beings.
Or you will have to get an illness / disease - if you continue accepting / allowing such a self-dishonest existence with these particular human beings, because you'll suppress your self-dishonesty - live a 'lie' in the presence of these beings, which will literally start eating at you within you - which so will manifest an illness / disease and eventually die because you do not understand why you're ill. This is what happens within human beings in this world - even just with ONE POINT such as self-dishonesty.
And have a look - now, because you're dishonest, you 'support others dishonesty' towards themselves - that's why you were 'attracted' in the first place: because self is dishonest with and as self. Even with the simple principle of being in a relationship in the first place - then you both 'cheated' so to speak - to reveal to yourselves your self-dishonesty. And now you're hiding this from others and supporting each other within each others self-dishonest existence - and this is why this world is what it is today: Human beings supporting each other with each others self-dishonest existences. Thus, themselves, their entire experience of themselves, their world and 'relationship' with others are all based in self dishonesty.
Why do humans cheat?
Because you didn't realize it then, that it was about you facing your own self-dishonesty, you went 'further' and had sex with another woman or man - 'compounding' guilt, shame and fear within you.
What do you understand: Your 'relationship establishment' with your 'longtime girlfriend' has always been self-dishonesty as starting point - which revealed only because of the experience of you acting / living this self-dishonesty revealed in the act of 'cheating'. You cannot possibly continue having a 'relationship' with these beings in your world as is - because of this self-dishonesty within you, because if you do continue, it will either eat at you or you will 'sometime along the line' manifest a particular experience in your world as a 'fall out / fight' - using this as an excuse to justify the reason why you're 'leaving these particular human beings' - and continue doing the same with others as you - when the truth is you were too afraid to face the consequences of accepting / allowing self-dishonesty.
An Agreement between two or more beings is the decision these beings make to unconditionally assist and support themselves and each other within their individual processes of self realization. This is a self willed and self directed decision and as such it is not based on an emotional and/or feeling stimuli.
An Agreement is where two or more human beings are able to assist and support themselves within and each other, as each stand-alone (as all one) - not accepting and allowing anything less than who each other is - as each stand in application and expression for all as one as equal as life as who they are.
Relationships in this world have been defined as "loving the other for what they are / what they have become". Within it is implied that both the "good" and the "bad" that exists within those in a relationship is accepted, allowed and seen as "normal". This gives rise to all kinds of reactions and conflicts between those in a relationship.
Within an Agreement , all that is self dishonest - all the limitation that exists within and as our minds - is not tolerated. Therefore, those that are in an agreement only accept, allow and push for themselves and each other to be effective and trustworthy beings that stand as the principle of Equality and Oneness at every moment of breath.
In an Agreement there is no space for jealousy, doubt, control, manipulation, secrets, arguments, reactions, conflict, betrayal, anger, fear... In case any of these arise they are dealt with in the moment - thought self forgiveness and/or breathing - so as to not allow such limitations of and as the mind to influence the actions of those in the agreement.
All is revealed, all is shared in an Agreement: communication is direct and clear and what is best for all is the foundation for all interaction.
In essence, an Agreement is the self willed and self directed decision to express individually and in a group/team all the potential existent within the human being that is beyond all the limitations within and as the mind.
It becomes an Agreement, when the two beings are experiencing life together as one, both in full expression as equals. Even when the other leaves it does not change who you are. You are not depending on each other. The relating and agreement if agreed must not change who you are infinitely or influence who you are, like in compromises. So for a moment-- relationships will be complex to reveal all complexes and a suggestion for those deciding to walk an agreement is to create an agreement vocabulary where they together state the words that they are going to live in the agreement, where the vocabulary between two beings are harmonized to become of equal and one; where both 'transform' their vocabulary of words expressed within and as oneness and equality - where each word you both speak, within and as communication with each other, is the expression of you within and as oneness and equality.
How to start an Agreement?
Suggest reading the following articles:
Spitefulness after the ending of a Relationship
Agreement Course - Redefining Relationships
The purpose of the agreement course is to establish an effective self-agreement – to from here develop an effective agreement with another as self. Thus – the course a practical support in the process of living what it means to be equal and one with another as self.
Tired of a stream of failed relationships? Want to find resolution to the internal and external conflict in yourself and your relationship? Exhausted all your options with finding The One? Do you blame yourself for failed relationships? Has your search for a twin-flame burned out?
Within this course you will empower yourself with:
• Being able to understand your past so that you can change your future in relationships
• Stop 'searching' for relationships and learn how to 'create' a relationship
• Develop effective practical skills for conflict-resolution
• Develop effective communication skills
• Develop skills for effective practical living together
• Learn how to develop lasting intimacy with yourself and/or your partner
• How to commit you to yourself and/or a partner in an agreement that supports growth, expansion and self-development
• Learn to utilize masturbation as a tool for compatibility and effective agreement alignment
• Be introduced to sexual communication in agreements
Relationship and Agreement support
Self-Forgiveness in Relationships – the beginning of an Agreement
If you ever in your life experience would 'prefer' a 'proper' Agreement experience in self-honesty with this particular partner - sex in the equation is irrelevant, it's with regards to each others intimacy in communication - you have to sit before her and do self-forgiveness with your partner.
You say: I have to forgive myself with you for what I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest within my life because of my self-dishonesty within me: I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be self-dishonest by defining our experience as a 'relationship'. I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to 'hide me' within this relationship.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to look for love and acceptance and recognition in relationships (so you do self-forgiveness from the perspective of why you have been in this 'relationship' with your partner in the first place - open and self honestly you apply self-forgiveness - not 'looking/wanting a particular outcome whatsoever). You can ask if your partner would like to 'like to' make an agreement with you - understand that this has got NOTHING TO DO WITH RELATIONSHIP / SEX - but two beings assisting and supporting each other, to be able to communicate intimately which is only done in self-honesty.
As you sit with her or him you apply self-forgiveness for allowing and accepting you to 'manifest your self-dishonesty' through 'cheating' with other woman. No matter what her or his reaction is - realize this is your process to establish self-honesty and stop the Acceptance and Allowance of self-dishonesty within you.
Suggest listening to the following interviews for support with relationships and agreements: